“When you were 17 or 18 ish and about to graduate- what words of love did you need to hear? ...What would you say to your 17 year old self if you had the chance?”
There were many things that I needed to hear when I was seventeen. I needed a lot of advice and a lot of guidance- and I needed a lot of affirmation. And though the question presented on Mundane Faithfulness was directed more towards the affirmation, it also made me think about the words of advice that I needed to hear as well.
Five years ago, I was seventeen, almost eighteen, and about to graduate high school. And I was terrified. Absolutely, completely, paralyzed in fear.
I was a deer in the headlights, watching my life barreling down the road, functioning only out of the hope that if I didn’t make a move, it would turn the other way and leave me be.
But of course, time passed anyway. And I said goodbye to the only friends I had, as they left for colleges in other states. And I said goodbye to my boyfriend of a year and a half, who was leaving for college in Kansas, and I wondered if he would ever come back to me. I holed myself up in my room, afraid to look for jobs, for fear that I would find one and have to face my social anxiety. And I begrudgingly signed up for graphic design classes at a community college, because in order to stay on my parents’ insurance, I needed to be in school. I resented the fact that I had to go to school at all, when I certainly had no idea what kind of “real-world career” I wanted to pursue. And I very much resented the fact that I was alone, and that change had come, and that I had lost every thread of the security blanket I had been clinging so tightly to.
I was exhausted, and bitter, and lonely.
And I needed very much to hear a few things. If I could go back in time and give myself the love and advice I needed, this is what I would tell myself.
Dear Seventeen-year-old Me...
1. It’s okay if you don’t know what you want to do yet. Take it one day at a time and don't overwhelm yourself with the pressure to do it "right." Sometimes it takes a few years (or more) to figure out what you want to do. So if you're not sure, earn money- don't spend it. Be productive and wise with your time, energy and resources while you still are trying to find your direction, so that when you do know where you want to go, you will be in a good position to get there. Keep your eyes and your heart open, and when a door opens to something you love, don’t miss the chance to walk through.
2. Whatever you do when you should be doing something else is what you should be pursuing as a career. The things you find yourself using to procrastinate are the things you really love to do. If you pursue what you love as a career, you will be happy not only on the journey there, but when you arrive as well. It doesn't mean it will be easy- but it means it will be worth it to you.
3. Put yourself in the position to receive opportunities. Things will not fall in your lap. It's good to be patient, but be careful not to be stagnant. Be assertive and confident when the situation calls for it, and then, when you have done all you can do, then take a step back and wait.
4. Don't fear or fight change. Change always comes but never stays. You will always adjust, and settle into the new "normal." Adjustment periods are hard, and they will always be scary, but you will get better at anticipating them and coping with them as you get older. Embrace each change as practice for the next.
5. You are not confined by your label. The person that others know you to be does not limit who you are. You do not have to fit into the box that your family, friends, classmates or teachers have put you in. You do not have to fit in the box that you have put yourself in. At any point, you can turn the page and start new. You can be better, stronger, happier, healthier or kinder. You can quit old habits and start new ones. You can heal old wounds and seek to mend broken relationships. You can quit things you used to love, and start things you have never tried. Do not allow yourself to be tied to a reputation. And even if no one else accepts the change in you, you still can.
Go read the original post where this question was presented; what would you say to seventeen-year-old you?
