I Was An Expert Mom (Before I Had Kids)

I don't know about everyone else, but before I was a mom, I was a really good mom.
I had plans- big plans- on how my kids were going to behave, how I was going to look, and what my life was going to look like, and goshdarnit, nothing and nobody was going to get in my way.

You see, I had quite a bit of "experience."
I had played "Mommy" for several years of my life. First, babysitting from about the age of 11, and eventually nannying at 18. So when I got pregnant at 20, I pretty much had it in the bag.
Because, as all parents know, nannying is the perfect preparation for parenthood, and there are no differences whatsoever.

None.

I had watched parents intently, studied them, and analyzed their parenting choices. And I had a little mental list of things that I was going to do differently.

Pre-babies (June 2012) / Post-babies (July 2015)

 1. I would get my body back.

Yep. That was first on the list, priority-wise. (Stick with me, mamas, I promise I learned my lesson.) I was going to lose all of the baby weight within the first nine months, and then actually lose some more on top of that, just from working so hard. And it was going to be pretty easy, too, because I already had lost 20 pounds in 6 months for my wedding a year prior to my first pregnancy, and it really only took self-discipline and my handy calorie-counting app. So that was my gameplan. Because, really, moms who kept on that extra weight probably just weren't dedicated to losing it. And I was going to be dedicated, so...problem solved, right?
And it took me two kids to actually learn this, but sometimes dedication just doesn't cut it. Sometimes your body is just too tired, and the best thing you can do for it is to rest. Sometimes that last 10-15 pounds is just sticking on there, and it's more beneficial, psychologically, to just let it go, eat well, and stop weighing yourself every morning. It's not about getting my body back, anymore. It's not about trying harder, either. It's about priorities- if I'm losing weight, but I'm drained and emotionally vacant, who really benefits from that? My kids certainly don't, and neither does my husband. And in the long run, neither do I.

2. I would keep my long hair.

NO MOM CUTS. No way. I was going to be the only mom around with extra-long hair, because I was not going to give in and cut it off.
For what it's worth, I actually kept with this until my second daughter was about six months old. That's a solid two years, so I'm giving myself half-credit.

3. I would never "let myself go."

And by "not letting myself go," I meant that I would look cute, take showers, brush my hair, wear makeup, be thin, fit and put together. Because I wasn't going to use motherhood as an excuse to fall apart.
I still wouldn't classify my current look as "let go," exactly... maybe more like "letting go of a few things at a time."
Like doing my hair, for example. Messy bun it is.
Or doing my makeup. (Foundation and mascara counts, right?)
I still dress up for special events, but my "event" threshold has raised a little bit, seeing as "leaving the house for any reason" used to qualify. Now it's a little more like "leaving the house for something other than errands."
And if this all sounds like a whole lot of excuses and rationalization to you, then no one asked you.

4. We would go on weekly date nights.

We were going to keep our marriage strong, right from the start, and not let our kids come between us. We would have a babysitter once a week, and we would go out and do something together.
It's not a bad idea, actually, in theory. In fact, I still think it's a great goal to have, but practically speaking, it falls apart when you start calculating in the additional factors, such as "where-does-that-money-come-from" and "since-when-do-we-have-extra-time-each-week" and "it's-friday-and-all-I-want-is-sweatpants-and-wine."

5. My children would not be "bratty."

Like, maybe they would try it once or twice, but BAM! I would just parent it right out of them, and they would never do it again. Because only spoiled brats throw tantrums in the middle of Target, and my children would never, ever, ever be spoiled.
I was pretty sure that the only reason kids ever threw fits was to get what they wanted, and so the logical counter would be to ignore them and not give in. 
But as it turns out, there's a difference between "tantrums" and "meltdowns." Tantrums being emotionally-controlled, purposeful outbursts, and meltdowns being emotionally-uncontrolled break-downs caused by underdevelopment.
And so, it's not that my kids actually turned out to be spoiled or "bratty"; it's that my understanding of childhood behavior has developed. Now, that behavior is now reframed as a cue that my kids need my help to learn how to regulate their overwhelming emotions- not a cue that they're being "bad."

6. I would keep up with the housework.

I could not understand for the life of me why it was so hard to do the laundry and dishes on a regular basis. You clean up during nap time and after the kids go to bed, and do the other housework with them throughout the day. 
The logic was this: If I can keep up with the housework while nannying all day, why would I not be able to do it with my own kids?
And that logic breaks down right about the time that my own kids have kept me up all night, I haven't eaten in several hours, and by the time they go down for a nap, I want to do absolutely nothing. N-O-T-H-I-N-G.
Not even reach down and wipe that smashed grape off the floor.
No.
I'll just walk around it.

7. My baby would sleep through the night.

Babies just need to learn to sleep, I thought, and all I need to do is teach them.
(This one would be HILARIOUS if it wasn't for the fact that I haven't slept through the night for something like two years straight.)
I read a lot about baby sleep, and I read a lot of things that made sense at the time. Just teach the baby to sleep, and then you'll all be happy. And that's true, actually. But I realized very quickly after having my first child that, while I wanted her to sleep, I prioritized her emotional and psychological health more. And so, the books went out the window and we did what was right for her.
Which, actually, worked out fine with our first, as far as sleep goes, because she was a natural-born sleeper from the start.
Our second daughter is a night-waker and a nap-fighter, and putting her to sleep is basically a lost art that only my husband has tapped into. So I let him, because who am I to argue?

8. My kids wouldn't watch TV before 2, and would watch it minimally afterward.

BECAUSE STUDIES SHOW.
It was a good idea. Still working on that one.
First child was a little easier. We made it to something like 20 months before she watched Winnie-the-Pooh, at which point she became so obsessed with it that we let her watch it once a day.
The problem comes in with that second child, who is around while the older one is obsessively watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (we've since moved on from dear Pooh). How do you stop a toddling one year old from stopping two inches from the TV to dance to the Hot Dog Dance?
You don't. Okay?
You take that moment to go to the bathroom for the first time all morning, and maybe even check Facebook.
That's what you do.

9. I would be Eco-Mama Extraordinaire.

You get me. Cloth-diapers, homemade baby wipes, baby food from scratch, the whole nine yards. The biggest draw was the financial slack that we desperately needed when we had our first. And I actually did start out doing all of these things! It just didn't work for us in the long run, with the other 1000 things I started juggling.
 I keep telling myself that I'll do it with the next kid, so either I haven't really learned, or I will actually accomplish it someday. This one is yet to be seen.

 10. We wouldn't buy kitschy toys/clothes/etc.

I never got why parents would buy all these ridiculous things. Does your kid need a Dora the Explorer backpack? Um...no?
But there was something I really didn't account for, and that's "the look."
You know "that look," right? That look on your kid's face when they get something from that TV show they love, with their favorite character on it? That heart-eyed, you're-the-best-mom-ever look?
Yeah. That's the one.
Because the moment my daughter fell head-over-heels for Winnie the Pooh, it was all I could do not to buy her the entire collection of Pooh things. (You like those stickers? How about 5 more packs? Would you like a sippy cup and a dress to go with that?)
And if you don't know what "look" I'm talking about, you've probably never had a toddler. But if you do someday, you'll know when it happens to you. And you'll know, because you'll find yourself checking out at Target with 20 unplanned items with some Disney character plastered all over them.



Mamas, what did you think you'd be like as a parent, before you had kids?

Paleo "Spaghetti" and Meatballs

I've been meaning to get this recipe down, as it's become a staple in our meal rotation. I keep wanting to share it and realizing that I don't really know how I make it. So I'm finally getting around to it! 

I don't know what it is about spaghetti and meatballs, but it's certainly one of my go-to comfort meals. So when we cleaned up our diets, and pasta, sugar and dairy left the building, (and so did spaghetti and meatballs) I needed to find a good replacement.

This recipe is dairy-free, gluten-free, paleo, and Anti-Candida diet friendly. 

Let's get one thing out in the open...

Spaghetti squash isn't the same as regular pasta. Let's just be real. It's not the same thing. But a close second? Absolutely! 

There are lots of ways to make spaghetti squash, but here is how I do it...

Preheat oven to 375 F. Place spaghetti squash directly on rack and bake for 50-60 minutes or until the skin is wilted and a little browned. Let cool until you can touch it without burning yourself. Cut in half (short-way), scoop out the seeds and discard, and then use a fork to scrape the "noodles" up. 

I put the spaghetti squash noodles into a crockpot, toss with Celtic sea salt and olive oil, and keep it on warm until my meatballs are ready. 

Now, for the meatballs! 

Meatballs 

(Makes around 30) 

2 tbs coconut flour

1 tsp Celtic sea salt

1 tsp pepper 

1 tsp garlic

1 tsp rosemary

1 tsp thyme 

1 tsp oregano

1 jar of pasta sauce (Anti-Candida Diet note: Sprouts has many good options for sugar and vinegar free sauces)

2 eggs

1.5 lbs ground beef 

.5 ground pork 

Olive oil

Mix all dry ingredients together. Add 2 tbs of your pasta sauce, mix well, and then add eggs. When the mixture is well incorporated, add the meat and combine with your hands until smooth and mixed together very well. 

Preheat your oven to 350. 

Heat olive oil (about 1/4-1/2 in deep) in a pot over medium heat. When the oil is fragrant and shiny, use a spring-loaded ice cream scoop to drop meatballs into the pot. (Do not overcrowd the pan! Do this in shifts, letting there be about an inch of space around each meatball) Let them sit and brown for about 1-2 minutes, then flip. Continue this until meatballs are browned on all sides. Move each meatball to a paper-towel lined plate, and let dry while you continue browning the rest of the meatballs. 

When all the meatballs are browned and removed from pan, pull pan off the heat and add the jar of pasta sauce to the remaining oil. Cover and let sit. 

Transfer the meatballs to a rimmed baking sheet and bake for about 10-12 minutes (or until cooked all the way through.) 

When cooked, put into pot of sauce. 

Serve with cooked spaghetti squash! 

Healthy Fudge Brownies

Lots of baking has been going on in my house lately. I've been on the Anti-Candida Diet for about two months, and it's bred quite a bit of creativity in my desserts! Just this month, I started reintroducing small amounts of fruit into my diet as my first taste of sugar after the Anti-Candida Diet cleanse.

I've never used dates in baking before, but I'm loving them now. They don't have a weird after-taste, and they add a nice texture and subtle sweetness. And the best part? In this recipe, the entire batch of brownies has 7 grams of sugar.

The brownies also boast high-protein from the beans and cashew butter, healthy fats from the coconut oil and cashew butter, and are grain, dairy, and refined-sugar free.

Each brownie comes in at about 125 calories, less than 1g sugar, and 5g protein. Not bad, right? As opposed to a typical boxed brownie, which is full of wheat, refined sugar, unhealthy oils and fats, and will cost you upwards of 250 calories each. There is less sugar in the entire batch of these than you will get in one regular brownie. Not even exaggerating. If that's not motivating, I don't know what is.

I had several taste testers for this recipe (because I loved them so much, and I never fully trust my taste now, as my threshold for sweetness has dipped so low) and they were approved by multiple picky-eaters and sugar-lovers. That's a win in my book.

I think these are best straight from the oven, but they were tasty after being chilled, too!

Healthy Fudge Brownies
(makes one pan, or around 15 brownies)

1 1/4 cup cashew butter (cashews should be the only ingredient; I make my own.)
4 dates
up to 5  Tbsp water
2 1/2 cups white beans, drained and rinsed well  (I used navy)
2 Tbsp extra virgin coconut oil
2 tsp gluten-free baking powder 
1/2 cup cocoa powder
2 tsp vanilla extract
6 packets Stevia
4 Tbsp pure Xylitol
1 tsp celtic sea salt
1/4 cup sugar-free/dairy-free chocolate chips (I make my own with 100% chocolate bars melted down, mixed with stevia and made into chocolate chips)

Before starting, soak the dates in a cup of water until they are soft and start to disintegrate into the water. Depending on what kind of dates you use, this will probably take around 10-30 minutes.
Preheat oven to 350˚F.

Grind the cashew butter and dates on high in a food processor until smooth. Add the beans and process until a very smooth dough forms. Add in the coconut oil and baking powder and process well. Next, add in the cocoa powder and process again. When the cocoa is fully incorporated, add in the vanilla, Stevia, Xylitol, and salt, and process again. 

The dough will be cookie dough like in texture. One tablespoon at a time, add the date water, and pulse. Keep adding the water until the batter thins out. It should be thick, but spreadable- a bit thicker than regular brownie batter, but thinner than cookie dough.

(At this point, I ate a good portion of the batter. If you have more self control than I, proceed to the next step. If not, eat up, friend.)

Grease a 9x13 baking pan with coconut oil. Spread the batter evenly in the pan, then drop the chocolate chips over the top. Mix them in a little, but not too much- the batter will be warm, so be careful not to melt them! Sprinkle a few more on top. 

Bake for 18-20 minutes, or until the top looks dry. Let cool for 10-15 minutes before cutting. Eat warm!

The Healthiest Chocolate Chip Cookies Ever

Maybe that's a bold statement. The healthiest?
I don't know.

But the healthiest I've ever personally come across, for what it's worth.

Like I mentioned in my last recipe, I've been on the anti-candida diet lately. And as I also mentioned, I've been really needing some desserts around the house.

I came across this recipe a while back, and used to make it often, back in the days when I could have peanuts (which I can't have because of my diet, and also because my nursing babe has a peanut allergy), garbanzo beans (which are a close relative of peanuts, and therefore my girl is also allergic to them), and honey (which...you know. sugar.).

It struck me yesterday, though, that I could make some substitutions, and with a little adjusting, come up with a completely sugar-free, peanut-allergy-friendly version.

So these cookies have no flour, no butter, no sugar, no dairy, no eggs, no garbanzo beans, and no peanuts. Making them vegan, anti-candida diet friendly, and gluten-free, to name a few.

But equally as important, they're really, really good. Not to mention you're getting 4 grams of protein, healthy fats from the cashews and coconut oil, and antioxidants from the cocoa nibs in every cookie- and 0 grams of sugar in the entire recipe!

I don't count calories when eating clean, but if you're into that, each cookie comes in at about 125-135 calories (depending on the size of your cookies).

They're more like a cookie dough bite, like the original recipe from which it was adapted. The texture, when the cookie is chilled, is very dough-like, which I, personally, prefer. 

The Healthiest Chocolate Chip Cookies Ever

makes: about 2 dozen mini cookies

1 1/4 cup cashew butter (cashews should be the only ingredient; I make my own.)
2 1/2 cups white beans, drained and rinsed well  (I used navy)
2 Tbsp extra virgin coconut oil
2 tsp gluten-free baking powder 
2 tsp vanilla extract
6 packets Stevia 
4 Tbsp pure Xylitol
1 tsp celtic sea salt
1/4 cup - 1/2 cup cocoa nibs (or mini chocolate chips of your choice)

Preheat oven to 350˚F. Grind the cashew butter and beans on high in the food processor until a very smooth dough forms. Add in the coconut oil and baking powder and process well. Add in the remaining ingredients, except cocoa nibs, and process well again. Stir in cocoa nibs, and drop on a cookie sheet (I use an ice cream scoop to do this). Bake at 350˚F for about 12 minutes, or until the bottoms turn golden and the cookies look dry. They will not spread or rise like normal cookies. 
Eat warm, or chill in the refrigerator or freezer. I like them best cold (and they hold together better that way, too), but they are also delicious straight out of the oven.

Enjoy!

Snickerdoodle Cashew Butter

My diet has been reasonably restrictive lately. I've been on the first stage of the anti-candida diet (yeast-free diet), which means I can't have sugar (fruit, artificial sweeteners and natural sugar included), dairy, gluten, peanuts, and a whole mess of other things.
I also can't have almonds, because my sweet girl is allergic, and we are still breastfeeding! And, because she also has a peanut allergy, I can't have garbanzo beans...because, as it turns out, they are closely related, and she reacts to them, too.

So, as you can imagine, desserts have been a struggle lately.
The restrictions on my diet rule out most everything I have routinely made for desserts- both healthy and not- in the past. Ice cream and real cookies are out. Almond butter cookies? Out. Garbanzo bean cookies? Out. Fruit pan fried in coconut oil? Out. And most baking recipes call for some sort of sweetener that works as a binder. But, of course, even raw honey (my paleo go-to sweetener) is O-U-T.

And it was out of this little conundrum that this recipe was born. The texture is almost identical to peanut butter when warm, and closer to cookie dough when cold, and the taste is similar to snickerdoodles.
It curbs the sugar cravings like nothing else, and it's guilt-free. Win-win.
Now, is it guilt-free when I go through a whole batch of this in a matter of days? I don't know. I'm not asking questions.

Snickerdoodle Cashew Butter

5 cups whole roasted unsalted cashews
1 tsp extra virgin coconut oil
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp celtic sea salt
2 Tbs pure xylitol
4 packets stevia (with no additives- I use Sweet Leaf)
1 tsp vanilla

Grind the whole cashews on high in a food processor for several minutes, until smooth and creamy. The cashews will go through several stages before becoming creamy- first it will be crumbly, then stiff, then thick, and eventually it will start warming up and getting creamy. Give it time and scrape down the sides when needed.
Once the cashews have formed a butter, add the coconut oil and process well. Then add the rest of the ingredients, process until thoroughly combined, and taste. Add more salt, cinnamon or sweetener to taste.
Store in a container in the fridge.

Spread on toast (or a coconut meat tortilla, if you're eating like me right now), use as a fruit dip, or just eat by the spoonful.

Enjoy!

When Your Hands Are Full, Remember This.

Life gets overwhelming as a mom, sometimes. Sometimes, getting through the day isn’t as easy as it used to be. Sometimes, the house looks like a hurricane blew through it, and the babies are leeches on my legs, and the only thing I want to do is sit down and eat a bite of that food I made for myself thirty minutes ago. I don’t know about you, fellow mamas, but sometimes, I need a little perspective.

Often times, for me, that perspective comes in the form of this note I wrote to myself several years back. I go back to it from time to time, when I need the reminder. 

At the time that I wrote it, I was twenty years old. I had been married for seven months. For each one of those seven months, we had been trying, and failing, to get pregnant. Every month, I had thrown away multiple negative tests. Every month, I began to lose hope. Every month, I got a little more worried that maybe something was wrong. That maybe it wasn’t going to happen for us.

And I remember the sting when other women would get pregnant on accident. I remember the wave of envy that washed over me when women would half-heartedly complain about the woes of pregnancy- the stretch marks, the aches and pains, the fatigue. I remember swearing to myself that, if I ever got pregnant, I would never forget how valuable each painful moment would be. I sat down at my computer that day, threw my thoughts on the page and titled it, “Remember This.”

Remember this.

When I look at my body now,
a little imperfect,
but young and in shape,
I try to imagine what it would look like with a bump instead.
When I look at my hips and stomach,
my skin is smooth.
I’d replace it with a thousand stretch marks for you.
When I look at the number when I set on the scale,
it reads a few pounds heavier than I wish.
But I’d add thirty pounds
if it meant you were on your way.
Don’t wish for your pre-pregnancy body back.

When I want to eat,
I can eat what I want.
When I want to drink,
I drink what I want.
I can have caffeine, feta cheese, any kind of fish, and alcohol.
I’d throw that all away if it meant I could be with you.
Don’t wish to have your pre-pregnancy diet back.

When I wake up in the morning,
I’m not sick.
I can eat what I want,
and go on with my day.
I’d have morning sickness every day of my pregnancy
if it meant I was pregnant with you.
Don’t wish for your pre-pregnancy health back.

When I’m not working,
my day is my own.
I can sleep in as late as I want,
go out whenever I want,
and hang out with my husband
whenever I want.
And I’d give it all up for a moment with you.
Don’t wish for your time to yourself back.

When I clean the house
it stays clean.
I wish there were little hands messing all of it up.
When I go grocery shopping,
I can spend money on little things for me.
I wish I was spending that money on diapers instead.
Don’t wish for a clean house back.

I would rather be trying to work off the pregnancy pounds every day for the rest of my life
than to be spending it without you.
I would rather be covered in stretch marks
than look the way I do now without you.
I would rather be stuck eating on a strict diet for you
than to eat whatever I want without you.
I would rather be bed-ridden with morning sickness
than to be fine and healthy without you.
I would rather be scheduling every moment of my time around your schedule
than to live the rest of my life without you.
I would rather be cleaning up toys and food and who knows what else
off the floors and walls and everywhere else
than to have a perfectly clean home without you.

Don’t forget.

Friends, if you’re in over your head with your kids these days, I hope you can find a little bit of perspective for yourself, too. I hope you can remember what your life was like before the craziness, before the sleeplessness, before the endless piles of laundry. I hope you can remember what that hole in your heart felt like, and what it feels like to have that hole filled.
It doesn’t minimize the stress. It certainly doesn’t make it go away. But it does give you that much-needed reminder that it’s worth it- every single moment.

A Winnie The Pooh Birthday Party

If you know anything about my two year old right now, it's that she loves Winnie the Pooh. I mean, this kid is obsessed. She has a stuffed Pooh that sleeps with her and comes with us wherever we go. He's her pseudo-baby doll. She has baby dolls, but Pooh beat them out. He even gets to ride in her "baby wrap" (a scarf tied like a sling wrap).

It seemed only right that we threw a Winnie the Pooh themed party for her second birthday this year, complete with a smackerel of honey and plenty of bees. 

 

The Invitation

Honey Bees and Beehives

Honey Bees and Beehives

 

I was happy with how it turned out, but even happier when we got to watch her run around saying, "I'm happy! I'm so excited!" for the duration of the two hour party. And she was happy. I mean, after all, she did get to go to the Hundred Acre Wood. What more could a Pooh-Bear-Obsessed-Two-Year-Old ask for? 

My husband's parents graciously hosted the party at their house, and even set up a  "Hundred Acre Wood" play area downstairs, which is where the kids spent the majority of the party. 

Here are some pictures of various elements of the party...

A Pasta bar with Tigger Tails and Rabbit's Garden Veggies

(pinspiration)

Pooh's Honey Pots and Honey Bee Cake Pops
(pinspiration)

Piglet's Punch
(pinspiration)

Honey and Dipper Favors

We are so thankful for the friends and family who came and shared this special day with us. It was a perfect party for our Winnie-the-Pooh Girl!