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| photo: Jenn Faust |
“Where are you having your baby?”
“At home.”
When I was pregnant with my first baby, this little interchange used to make me cringe. I would say the phrase, “at home,” and I'd wait. I’d watch as the listener tried to process my response. I’d watch the array of emotions flash across the face, quickly to be followed with statements which usually fell into the category of “I’m-trying-to-understand-but-I-literally-can’t-process-what-you-just-said.”
I’ve gotten some more practice with this conversation since that first pregnancy. I’ve answered a lot of burning questions- most of them very good ones. Many of them, questions I had myself before we made the choice to birth at home!
And while most of the responses to “I’m having my first child at home” were laced with badly-hidden concern (and the occasional judgement or horror), most of the responses to “I’m having my third home birth” have been met with much more curiosity and interest.
But I still find myself thinking, while having these conversations, that I wish I could really address the misconceptions about home births. Because, yes, I know what it means when someone says, “well, that’s great you’re able to do that; if I had done that, my baby would have died.”
Yes.
I know exactly what that means.
And it’s okay, really. I get that it’s a bit counter-cultural (at least within the last sixty years or so). I get that it’s something people don’t understand, and things we don’t understand are intimidating.
So, let’s talk about what it doesn't mean when I say “I’m having a home birth.”
I hate doctors/hospitals/Western Medicine in general
I’m sure there is a portion of the home birthing community who believe that ALL medical intervention is bad. I’ve heard of them. I’ve never met them. Are they real? Are they a myth? Can’t say, friend.
But what I can say is that, for myself (and every other home-birthing advocate I’ve come across), the idea isn’t that medical intervention is bad, but that it isn’t necessary in healthy, normal birth. Birth itself is not a medical emergency; it is a natural process which should be treated as such unless something goes wrong. And when it does go wrong, (and it does, sometimes), thank goodness we do have hospitals!
So, I do not choose home birth because I hate medical intervention. I choose home birth because I trust my body to do what it knows how to do. And, should something change, I would gladly entrust my (and my child’s) care to a professional whose purpose is to take over when things don't go as planned.
I’m having an unassisted birth
This misconception comes up quite often. I get the impression that people hear the words “home birth” and envision me walking around my house until my baby just unexpectedly pops out.
I must be clear: there is a very big difference between unassisted home birth and assisted home birth. Unassisted births do not include the services of a birth professional; assisted home births do.
I see a midwife throughout my entire pregnancy for regular prenatal visits. My midwife, specifically, has been with me through two pregnancies and births, and will welcome this next one into the world with us as well. I call or text her regularly with questions. She knows my toddlers by name and includes them in the prenatal visits, which they usually attend. And when the day comes, I call her to let her know that I’m starting early labor, and she heads over to my house, along with another midwife who plays the supportive role. She stays with me, in my home, throughout my entire labor (and sleeps on my couch if needed, or camps out with a book). She checks the baby’s heartbeat, my blood pressure and other vitals, helps get me food, gives me back rubs if I want them, supports me emotionally, and eventually catches my baby! It’s much like having a practitioner with you in the hospital, except if your practitioner was also your friend and mentor, and your hospital was your bedroom.
I’m uneducated about birth
I used to be uneducated about birth. I knew very little about what to expect from the entire process of pregnancy and birth when I was pregnant the first time. But that changed very quickly when I decided I wanted to try home birth. It was home birth that actually pushed me into researching things I never knew existed. It pushed me to consider and question methods that are considered “routine” in birth, and ask myself, “why do we do this?” And, “is that right for our situation?” Sometimes the answer is yes, and sometimes no. But had I gone with our original plan for a hospital birth, I believe there are many things I never would have looked into. Why would I have? I didn’t know I had a choice in 90% of them! I have now made hundreds of informed decisions about my prenatal care, my labors, my delivery, and my child's immediate post-birth care, primarily due to the fact that, because of the route we have taken, those decisions are not going to be made for me. And with that extra responsibility has come a greater opportunity for knowledge.
I think all women should have home births
This misconception isn’t usually spoken out loud. It comes in the form of defensiveness. It comes with a look of shame and an inference that they are being judged. “Well I wish I could have had one, but I couldn’t, because....”
But please, understand that I do not think badly of women who choose different birthing routes (or of those who have it chosen for them). Home birth is an excellent option for uncomplicated, low-risk births. Which, so far, all of mine have been. (I am very aware that it is a blessing to have experienced two low-risk births so far!) But I do not project this onto other birthing mothers. I know that some births are not safe at home. I know that sometimes it’s necessary to birth in a hospital. And safety must come first!
My births are easy
I will say this- my births have not been as hard as others. I know of some very, very difficult labors and deliveries. I have had safe births. I have had healthy births. I have had normal births. And for that, I am extremely grateful.
All that being said, that doesn’t mean I experience birth differently or inherently easier than others. Contractions hurt me too. Labor is hard for me too. I have said “I can’t do this” more times in labor than I can count on two hands! Because birth is hard. Birth is hard when it’s normal, and when it’s not. It’s hard when it’s short, and it’s hard when it’s long. I am not able to birth at home because I’ve gotten off the hook and have easy, pain-free experiences. On the contrary, I do it anyway, when it’s hard, because I know I can do hard things.
I’m braver/stronger than other moms
I didn’t get this comment until I had already had a couple of home births. I think, the first time around, it seemed that I was more reckless than brave. But now that I’ve done it, I’ve gotten comments that I have some kind of bravery or strength that they do not have. And I reject this wholeheartedly. I have won no medals for choosing to birth at home. I deserve none. I would be just as brave to face birth in a hospital as I would at home. And, to be frank, I personally would be quite anxious should I need to have a hospital birth! Because, for me, it is new territory- and the unfamiliar always seems daunting. Home birth is my comfort zone, because it’s what I know.
I imagine that those who have birthed in hospitals would feel the same way about switching to a home birth. I imagine that is from that fact that those types of comments arise- from a sense of anxiety of the unknown. But no matter how a mother births her child, she is brave and strong. Birth- home birth, hospital birth, unmedicated birth, medicated birth, vaginal birth or cesarean birth- takes strength. It takes bravery no matter how or where you do it.
So, what does it mean when I say "I'm having a home birth"?
It means I'm having my baby at home, with the support of my midwife and my husband, because it is what I think is best for my family. And really, that's it.
Are you curious about home birth? Shoot me your questions. I'd love to answer them!
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