Extroversion: What It Does (And Doesn't) Mean

Earlier, I wrote a post on the real meaning of introversion, and what it does and doesn’t actually mean. It’s only fair, I think, to give some attention to the other half of the population- the extroverts!

While there’s been a surge in the popularity of articles and blogs about introversion, there’s also seemingly been a surge in the negativity towards extroverts. It’s easy to inadvertently demonize people who are not like you (although it’s not fair), and, as it’s a lot of introverts who are speaking out about introversion and extroversion, it seems that is precisely what is happening.

Neither extroversion nor introversion is “better.” Although American culture values extroverts more (and- fun fact- Japanese culture values introverts more), they are actually equal. Each has its own benefits and each presents its own struggles.

But unfortunately, there are some misconceptions about extroverts, just like there are misconceptions about introverts.

Briefly answer this question- what do you think it means to be an extrovert?
Make a list of the qualities you associate with extroversion.
If you are an extrovert, list the things you think make you extroverted; if you are not, think of the ways you would identify someone else as an extrovert.

What’s on your list?

If your list describes tendencies or patterns of behavior, you’re probably headed in the right direction. If they describe personality traits, you may have a misconception of what extroversion actually means.

Why does it matter?

Like I mentioned in the post about introversion, in order to build good relationships with the people around us, we need to understand them, and to understand ourselves.
If you are an extrovert, understanding the characteristics of extroversion can give you such a deeper understanding of the way you work, and help you care for yourself better.
If you aren’t an extrovert, you know someone who is. Maybe it’s your spouse, or your boss, or your mother. More than half of the American population is extroverted!
Understanding how the people you know and love function will give you a better ability to communicate with them and to empathize with them.

What does it mean?

Just like introversion, extroversion describes a preference for either the external or the internal world, not a set of traits. [1]
While introverts prefer to direct their energy towards their internal world, extroverts prefer to direct it outward. In order to recharge themselves, extroverts need to interact with their external environment, as opposed to introverts, who need to attend to their inner world.
When we look at an extrovert, then, we see someone who needs to be able to think out loud and externally process their thoughts before internally reflecting on them. They tend to act before thinking, so to speak. They are drained by too much time internalizing, and need to engage their environment to recharge. They are energized by interaction with their physical environment in some way. This interaction might be done with others- by engaging with other people- or done alone, by being physically active, carrying out broad-scale plans, or brainstorming possible outcomes for what is currently happening.
In contrast to this behavior is that of introverts, who typically “think before they speak,” and who are energized by internalizing and drained by too much external activity.

There is a range of introversion to extroversion- a person will not fall perfectly onto one side or the other. This is to say that there is likely no such thing as a “complete” introvert or “complete” extrovert. Because there are so many different things that make up a personality, a person may have two conflicting traits that land them somewhere in the middle of extroversion and introversion. They will lean to one side or the other, but they may not be very extroverted or very introverted.

This can be confusing to a person who may actually be an extrovert, but who does not enjoy being constantly social, or who is not as “outgoing” as extroverts are expected to be. Some extroverts need more time alone than others- depending on how they specifically recharge by externalizing their energy. Extroverts who are energized by being around other people may need a lot of time to be social, but extroverts who are energized by highly physical activity may not. Additionally, extroverts may find that they are energized by certain people, but that others might actually stress them out. Negative or stressful socialization is not likely energizing for anyone- even the most gregarious extrovert!

The key to extroversion is the need for engaging with the external environment, not the need for social interaction.

If we understand what it does mean to be extroverted, we can then understand better what it does not mean. Generally, if we are attributing a trait, rather than a tendency, to extroversion, we know we’re off track.

Here are some common traits that are associated with extroversion. Think back to what you think describes an extrovert. Are any of the following traits on your list?

What does it not mean?

Obnoxious

A common myth about extroverts is that they are overly loud, annoying, or obnoxious. While that could be true, it is not something that is characteristic of extroverts. Rather, it’s characteristic of someone who lacks sufficient social skills. An extrovert who does not know how to properly interact with others may use these behaviors to get attention, to distract themselves and others from underlying emotions, to control others, or to accomplish attain some other unhealthy desire. It is also possible, though, for an introvert to display these same behaviors, and it is not an accurate way to characterize extroverts in general.

Social butterfly

While it is true that extroverts need to interact with their environment, it is not true that they are all "people-people". It’s a commonly accepted idea that extroverts “can’t be alone.” This idea actually describes an unbalanced extrovert, not a healthy one. Even extroverts need a little time to be alone, just as introverts need to be with others. It would be unhealthy for a person of either type to never have solitude or to never have interaction. Some extroverts are more social than others- while some interact with their social environment by talking and being with other people, others may prefer to interact with their physical environment instead by participating in physically engaging activities. In the same way that there are introverts who have many friends, there are also extroverts who only have a few. This is indicative of their need for interpersonal relationships, which is driven by several things other than extroversion.

Performer

Because it’s commonly thought that anyone who is in the spotlight (actors, speakers, politicians, etc...) must be extroverted, it’s assumed that extroverts must all be natural performers. Truthfully, there are many extroverts who do not seek the limelight, and do not prefer to be the center of attention. There are also introverts who make wonderful speakers and performers, and introverts who are attention-seeking. Extroverts do, as a pattern, like to be a part of the action, but they do not necessarily seek to be the center of it.

Self-centered

At least among introverts, there is a stigma of extroverts being selfish- that introverts listen, and extroverts like to hear themselves talk. While this can be true (of both introverts and extroverts, I should add), it is an indicator of the health of the individual, not a trait of their extroversion. Extroverts can be excellent listeners, selfless givers, and wonderful friends. In fact, it can be even more apparent when extroverts are not selfishly focused, as they tend to express that selflessness in more overt and obvious ways than introverts. Selfishness is certainly a problem, not a personality trait.

Highly emotional

Extroverts also have a reputation (in some circles) of being overly emotional or sentimental. Although there are certainly emotionally driven extroverts, there are actually many extroverts who are very logical and systematic, and, furthermore, even some who struggle to access their emotions at all. It may seem that extroverts are more emotional than introverts because those who do love to express their emotions tend to do so on a bigger, more intense scale. For every sentimental extrovert, though, there is an equally (but different) sentimental introvert. The intensity of a person's emotions is not necessarily indicative of their extroversion.

Shallow

Extroverts have an over-generalized reputation of being shallow and petty, especially in comparison to introverts, who have an equally generalized reputation of being deep and brooding. Both of these stereotypes are only that- stereotypes. Many extroverts love to read, write, and theorize, just like their introverted counterparts; and many introverts are not interested in deep thinking at all. Extroverts do tend to immerse themselves into many different things, in contrast to introverts, who tend to focus more intensely on a select few things. But those tendencies do not reflect the intelligence or depth of either type of people.

Do you have anything else to add?
Let me know what you think!

Also read: Introversion: What It Does And Doesn't Mean

Sources: 
[1] Understanding Yourself and Others, by Linda V. Berens and Dario Nardi

Introversion: What It Does (And Doesn't) Mean

Introversion is kind of trendy right now.

I’m not sure why or how it happened, but suddenly every introvert seems to be poking their head out on the internet. You’ve seen all the articles, right? 

“10 Secrets About Introverts”

“What it’s REALLY Like to be an Introvert” 

“What Every Introvert Wants You to Know”

Maybe it’s a mini-rebellion on behalf of the introvert community due to our culture's preference for extroverts. Introversion isn’t highly respected in a culture that values outspoken, social and assertive behavior. It’s not hard to feel devalued when inherent things about you- like being slow to act, needing time to emotionally recharge, or feeling drained by lots of activity- are considered by others to be undesirable, or even wrong.

But what has caught my eye lately is a lot of misunderstanding on what introversion actually means.

Stop for a second and ask yourself to describe introversion.
If you are one, think about what makes you an introvert. If you’re not, think about how you would know that someone was introverted.
Make a quick list of the things that come to mind.

Now look at the things you've listed.

If the things on your list describe a tendency or pattern of behavior, you’re probably on the right track.
If they describe personality traits, you’re not alone in your thinking- but you might have a misunderstanding of what introversion actually is.

Why does it matter?

In order to build good relationships with the people around us, we need to understand them, and to understand ourselves. Understanding how people work on a basic level is a really great place to start!
If you are an introvert, understanding the characteristics of introversion can give you such a deeper understanding of the way you work, and help you care for yourself better.
But even if you aren't an introvert, you know someone who is. Maybe it's your spouse or your significant other, your child, or your best friend. Maybe it's your mother or your sister, or even a coworker.
Understanding how the people you know and love function will give you a better ability to communicate with them and to empathize with them.

What does it mean?

It’s fundamentally important in understanding personalities that extroversion and introversion describe a preference for either the external or internal world, not a set of traits. [1] 
This means that extroverts prefer to direct their energy towards their external world, and introverts prefer to direct it towards their inner world. Extroverts are emotionally and mentally recharged by focusing outward, and introverts are recharged by focusing inward.
Practically applied, this means that introverts need time to internally reflect on what they  think and feel before they speak or act. It means that they tend to be drained by lots of external stimuli, and need to withdraw (either mentally or physically) from their environment to recharge.
This is in contrast to extroverts, who need to be able to think out loud and externally deal with their thoughts before internally reflecting on them, and who are energized by engaging in and interacting with their environment, even when they are alone. 

It’s crucial to understand, additionally, that there is a range of extroversion and introversion, and that a person may not fall cleanly on one end or the other. Because there are so many different things that make up a personality, a person may have two conflicting traits that land them somewhere in the middle of extroversion and introversion. They will lean to one side or the other, but they may not be very extroverted or very introverted.

For instance, although I am an introvert, I also love understanding and connecting with people. I need emotional connection and communication in my relationships. At the same time, though, I am very sensitive and need a lot of time to recharge from those interactions, and so I will frequently withdraw to ground myself and get energy to go out again. I am not 100% introverted; although I am certainly an introvert, I also am more outgoing than a portion of other introverts can be. This caused a lot of confusion for me, growing up, as I was under the impression that to be introverted meant that I had to be a loner. It's also caused a lot of confusion for other people in my life. I've been told on many occasions that I "can't" be an introvert, because I'm too outgoing. As it turns out, I was wrong, and so were they!

If we understand what it does mean to be introverted, we can then understand better what it does not mean. Generally, if we are attributing a trait, rather than a tendency, to introversion, we know we’re off track.

Here are some common traits that are associated with introversion. Think back to what you think describes an introvert. Are any of the following traits on your list?

What does it not mean?

Shy

Shyness is regularly associated with introversion. It’s almost used as a synonym sometimes, as if they mean the same thing. In reality, they are not actually connected at all. Both extroverts and introverts alike can feel nervous and withdrawn in social situations, and both can be confident and outgoing. So while you may find an introvert who is shy, you can also find many who are actually not shy at all. It might happen more often with introverts, but it’s actually not a characteristic of introversion. It’s very important not to interchange the two.

Insecure

There’s a stigma among introverts that the insecurity they feel stems from their introversion. This isn’t true! Introverts have as much potential to have self-confidence as do their extroverted counterparts. Introverts do, as a pattern, tend to be hesitant to act quickly. They tend to think before speaking or acting. However, this is not born out of insecurity, but out of a need to reflect inwardly before acting outwardly. Insecurity is a problem, not a personality trait. And it's certainly not something that is an inherent trait of introverts.

Anti-social

While introverts do need time away from others, they do not necessarily dislike being around others. In fact, many introverts not only like other people, but are very adept at interacting with them. Some introverts are very outgoing and friendly, and have great social skills. Other introverts do not have those skills, and have a lot of trouble interacting with people; some find interaction awkward and are unsure of how to connect with others. Likewise, there are actually extroverts who have trouble in social situations as well, and who don't enjoy the company of others. So to attribute anti-social behavior to introverts as a whole is very misleading, especially for people who are trying to understand whether they are introverted or extroverted. Many introverts mistype themselves as extroverts based on this misunderstanding.

Anxious

Anxiety is often a trait associated with introversion. It follows along the lines of shyness or anti-social behavior- being worried often, getting nervous in social situations, or being scared of talking to others. Each are traits of anxiety, not of introversion. And again, while there are anxious introverts, there are also introverts who have great inner peace. The same goes for extroverts; there are extroverts that do and do not suffer from anxiety. Anxiety is a problem all on its own! It’s important to see it as a separate thing, so that it can be dealt with and not written off as a personality trait.

Sensitive

Introverts can be sensitive- both to emotions and to physical stimuli. But this is actually a trait that is separate from introversion. Some people may be sensitive to conflict or to others’ emotions; this sensitivity shows up in people who are very in tune with their emotions or the emotions of others. Others may be sensitive to bright lights, loud sounds, or different smells. Sometimes this sensitivity can actually stem from being a Highly Sensitive Person, which is a trait that is more common in introverts, but also occurs in extroverts.  In the same way, though, there are also introverts who are very emotionally thick-skinned, and introverts who are energized by physical stimuli. So while sensitivity does show up in many introverts, it’s important to recognize that they do not necessarily coincide, and that a person may be one without the other. Equally as important is to recognize the fact that extroverts can also be sensitive, and so not to attribute sensitivity as a trait of introversion or extroversion.

Depressed

Introverts are not, by nature, sad or melancholy. While introverts may dwell on their sadness longer or in more depth, this tendency does not lend itself to depression. In fact, when it is used in a productive way, introverts have the potential to understand and process through their negative emotions more completely. Extroverts also experience sadness, but may express it and process it in a different way; depression is not isolated to either introverts or extroverts.

Lonely

I think it’s interesting that loneliness is a trait that is attributed to introversion, because, as people who need more space from the external world, it doesn’t make sense that being alone would necessarily make us lonely. Introverts absolutely feel lonely, but just as do extroverts! But whereas an extrovert may feel lonely because they have not been able to interact and expend energy outside themselves, an introvert may feel lonely because they have not felt a depth of connection with others that they are looking for.

Lethargic

This one is kind of a bizarre label to me. I’m not sure why introversion is associated with sleepiness, but it’s a little laughable, if you really think about it! I’ve heard this, mostly, from introverts themselves, making offhand comments about being tired or wanting to be in bed because they are introverted. While it’s true that introverts usually are more low-energy than extroverts, it is not necessarily the case. A high-energy introvert may tend to overwork himself and then need to recharge often by withdrawing and attending to his inner world for a while. In the same way, there are also low-energy extroverts, who like to relax.

Understanding ourselves and the people around us is important to creating and maintaining functional, healthy relationships!

Do you have anything to add?
I'd love to hear your thoughts!


Also Read: Extroversion: What It Does (And Doesn't) Mean

Sources:
[1] Understanding Yourself and Others, by Linda V. Berens and Dario Nardi