Introversion: What It Does (And Doesn't) Mean

Introversion is kind of trendy right now.

I’m not sure why or how it happened, but suddenly every introvert seems to be poking their head out on the internet. You’ve seen all the articles, right? 

“10 Secrets About Introverts”

“What it’s REALLY Like to be an Introvert” 

“What Every Introvert Wants You to Know”

Maybe it’s a mini-rebellion on behalf of the introvert community due to our culture's preference for extroverts. Introversion isn’t highly respected in a culture that values outspoken, social and assertive behavior. It’s not hard to feel devalued when inherent things about you- like being slow to act, needing time to emotionally recharge, or feeling drained by lots of activity- are considered by others to be undesirable, or even wrong.

But what has caught my eye lately is a lot of misunderstanding on what introversion actually means.

Stop for a second and ask yourself to describe introversion.
If you are one, think about what makes you an introvert. If you’re not, think about how you would know that someone was introverted.
Make a quick list of the things that come to mind.

Now look at the things you've listed.

If the things on your list describe a tendency or pattern of behavior, you’re probably on the right track.
If they describe personality traits, you’re not alone in your thinking- but you might have a misunderstanding of what introversion actually is.

Why does it matter?

In order to build good relationships with the people around us, we need to understand them, and to understand ourselves. Understanding how people work on a basic level is a really great place to start!
If you are an introvert, understanding the characteristics of introversion can give you such a deeper understanding of the way you work, and help you care for yourself better.
But even if you aren't an introvert, you know someone who is. Maybe it's your spouse or your significant other, your child, or your best friend. Maybe it's your mother or your sister, or even a coworker.
Understanding how the people you know and love function will give you a better ability to communicate with them and to empathize with them.

What does it mean?

It’s fundamentally important in understanding personalities that extroversion and introversion describe a preference for either the external or internal world, not a set of traits. [1] 
This means that extroverts prefer to direct their energy towards their external world, and introverts prefer to direct it towards their inner world. Extroverts are emotionally and mentally recharged by focusing outward, and introverts are recharged by focusing inward.
Practically applied, this means that introverts need time to internally reflect on what they  think and feel before they speak or act. It means that they tend to be drained by lots of external stimuli, and need to withdraw (either mentally or physically) from their environment to recharge.
This is in contrast to extroverts, who need to be able to think out loud and externally deal with their thoughts before internally reflecting on them, and who are energized by engaging in and interacting with their environment, even when they are alone. 

It’s crucial to understand, additionally, that there is a range of extroversion and introversion, and that a person may not fall cleanly on one end or the other. Because there are so many different things that make up a personality, a person may have two conflicting traits that land them somewhere in the middle of extroversion and introversion. They will lean to one side or the other, but they may not be very extroverted or very introverted.

For instance, although I am an introvert, I also love understanding and connecting with people. I need emotional connection and communication in my relationships. At the same time, though, I am very sensitive and need a lot of time to recharge from those interactions, and so I will frequently withdraw to ground myself and get energy to go out again. I am not 100% introverted; although I am certainly an introvert, I also am more outgoing than a portion of other introverts can be. This caused a lot of confusion for me, growing up, as I was under the impression that to be introverted meant that I had to be a loner. It's also caused a lot of confusion for other people in my life. I've been told on many occasions that I "can't" be an introvert, because I'm too outgoing. As it turns out, I was wrong, and so were they!

If we understand what it does mean to be introverted, we can then understand better what it does not mean. Generally, if we are attributing a trait, rather than a tendency, to introversion, we know we’re off track.

Here are some common traits that are associated with introversion. Think back to what you think describes an introvert. Are any of the following traits on your list?

What does it not mean?

Shy

Shyness is regularly associated with introversion. It’s almost used as a synonym sometimes, as if they mean the same thing. In reality, they are not actually connected at all. Both extroverts and introverts alike can feel nervous and withdrawn in social situations, and both can be confident and outgoing. So while you may find an introvert who is shy, you can also find many who are actually not shy at all. It might happen more often with introverts, but it’s actually not a characteristic of introversion. It’s very important not to interchange the two.

Insecure

There’s a stigma among introverts that the insecurity they feel stems from their introversion. This isn’t true! Introverts have as much potential to have self-confidence as do their extroverted counterparts. Introverts do, as a pattern, tend to be hesitant to act quickly. They tend to think before speaking or acting. However, this is not born out of insecurity, but out of a need to reflect inwardly before acting outwardly. Insecurity is a problem, not a personality trait. And it's certainly not something that is an inherent trait of introverts.

Anti-social

While introverts do need time away from others, they do not necessarily dislike being around others. In fact, many introverts not only like other people, but are very adept at interacting with them. Some introverts are very outgoing and friendly, and have great social skills. Other introverts do not have those skills, and have a lot of trouble interacting with people; some find interaction awkward and are unsure of how to connect with others. Likewise, there are actually extroverts who have trouble in social situations as well, and who don't enjoy the company of others. So to attribute anti-social behavior to introverts as a whole is very misleading, especially for people who are trying to understand whether they are introverted or extroverted. Many introverts mistype themselves as extroverts based on this misunderstanding.

Anxious

Anxiety is often a trait associated with introversion. It follows along the lines of shyness or anti-social behavior- being worried often, getting nervous in social situations, or being scared of talking to others. Each are traits of anxiety, not of introversion. And again, while there are anxious introverts, there are also introverts who have great inner peace. The same goes for extroverts; there are extroverts that do and do not suffer from anxiety. Anxiety is a problem all on its own! It’s important to see it as a separate thing, so that it can be dealt with and not written off as a personality trait.

Sensitive

Introverts can be sensitive- both to emotions and to physical stimuli. But this is actually a trait that is separate from introversion. Some people may be sensitive to conflict or to others’ emotions; this sensitivity shows up in people who are very in tune with their emotions or the emotions of others. Others may be sensitive to bright lights, loud sounds, or different smells. Sometimes this sensitivity can actually stem from being a Highly Sensitive Person, which is a trait that is more common in introverts, but also occurs in extroverts.  In the same way, though, there are also introverts who are very emotionally thick-skinned, and introverts who are energized by physical stimuli. So while sensitivity does show up in many introverts, it’s important to recognize that they do not necessarily coincide, and that a person may be one without the other. Equally as important is to recognize the fact that extroverts can also be sensitive, and so not to attribute sensitivity as a trait of introversion or extroversion.

Depressed

Introverts are not, by nature, sad or melancholy. While introverts may dwell on their sadness longer or in more depth, this tendency does not lend itself to depression. In fact, when it is used in a productive way, introverts have the potential to understand and process through their negative emotions more completely. Extroverts also experience sadness, but may express it and process it in a different way; depression is not isolated to either introverts or extroverts.

Lonely

I think it’s interesting that loneliness is a trait that is attributed to introversion, because, as people who need more space from the external world, it doesn’t make sense that being alone would necessarily make us lonely. Introverts absolutely feel lonely, but just as do extroverts! But whereas an extrovert may feel lonely because they have not been able to interact and expend energy outside themselves, an introvert may feel lonely because they have not felt a depth of connection with others that they are looking for.

Lethargic

This one is kind of a bizarre label to me. I’m not sure why introversion is associated with sleepiness, but it’s a little laughable, if you really think about it! I’ve heard this, mostly, from introverts themselves, making offhand comments about being tired or wanting to be in bed because they are introverted. While it’s true that introverts usually are more low-energy than extroverts, it is not necessarily the case. A high-energy introvert may tend to overwork himself and then need to recharge often by withdrawing and attending to his inner world for a while. In the same way, there are also low-energy extroverts, who like to relax.

Understanding ourselves and the people around us is important to creating and maintaining functional, healthy relationships!

Do you have anything to add?
I'd love to hear your thoughts!


Also Read: Extroversion: What It Does (And Doesn't) Mean

Sources:
[1] Understanding Yourself and Others, by Linda V. Berens and Dario Nardi