Staying At Home Is A Blessing

 

“What do you want to do when you graduate?”

I, like every other high school senior, heard this question probably hundreds of times as graduation approached. I dreaded answering it. I came up with a few satisfactory answers that shifted the conversation elsewhere. It became an automated response.

“I’m going to take some basic courses and see where it goes from there.”

“I’m going to community college and getting some cheap courses until I’m sure.”

And eventually,

“I’m going into graphic design.”

Because, despite the fact that I had very little interest in graphic design as a career, it seemed to give people the answer they wanted. I was supposed to have something, right? Other kids were going to study business or medicine. They were going to be lawyers or entrepreneurs or something impressive. And so when that question came up, I didn’t want to face the reaction when I told them the truth.

The truth was, I didn’t want to go to college at all. I was going because it would keep me on my parents’ insurance longer.
The truth was, I didn’t want a career. I didn’t want to climb the corporate ladder or start my own business, or do anything I was expected to do.
The truth was, all I wanted was to be a wife and a mother.

I wanted to settle down, have babies, and raise them. I wanted to stay at home with my kids, however many we would have, and be a housewife. That's what I wanted. That's the career I dreamed of. It was the desire of my heart, above everything else.

And let's be honest- the reactions to that dream range anywhere from the well-meaning, "oh...that's nice!" to the insulting, "um...okay, but what do you want to do for a job?"
And then there were the moms who insisted that I would regret staying at home. That I didn't understand- I didn't have kids yet! That I would want to get out of the house. That staying at home isn't what I really wanted.

"You'll see!"

I didn't want to have to argue whether it was a "real" job or not. I didn't want to have to explain why I wanted to do something that not everyone respected. I wasn't confident that I could defend my position. I wasn't sure, really, that those people weren't right, and that when I became a mother, I wouldn't just change my mind like they did.
And so, I didn't tell those people what I really wanted.

But the years leading up until I was able to finally settle down were, in my mind, just a waiting period. I took some college courses, got a couple minimum wage jobs, and bought several animals in an effort to silence the aching baby fever that had been plaguing me since I was a teenager.
The time did pass, although I swore many times that it never would. Of course, I was  wrong.

And I find myself now, almost five years later, married to my best friend, five months pregnant and caring for our thirteen month old daughter.
I find myself in yoga pants and my husband’s t-shirt, picking raisins out of the carpet and putting away laundry that should have been done three days ago.
I find myself living the life of tantrums, poopy diapers, spilled milk and dirty dishes.
I find myself thinking of new ways to get out of the house with an explorative toddler and an ever-growing belly in tow.
I find myself mentally, physically and emotionally drained on a daily basis.
But most importantly, I find myself more happy and fulfilled than I have ever been.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not always so positive about staying at home. I’ve had a pretty crappy attitude at times. I’ve had my share of emotional breakdowns. I’ve felt discouraged and lonely. I’ve been angry when I can’t buy something we need. I’ve been frustrated when I’m needed in the middle of the night or when the dishes pile up for the third time that day.
It wouldn't be hard to get stuck in a negative mindset. I could easily find a few reasons every day to be angry or discouraged, or to feel like staying at home is too hard for me. It's taken a lot of work to continuously re-frame my mindset and be thankful for the place I'm in, rather than to be resentful of it. Because while staying at home and raising our children is what I always dreamed of, it's also very demanding. Our decision to have me stay at home has meant a lot of sacrifice for both me and for my husband.

Living on one income isn’t the easy choice for us. We have never been in a financial position where we could be unaffected by the loss of one of our incomes. But truthfully, we are making it. We have a roof over our heads and food in the fridge, and we’re learning a lot of good lessons about cutting corners with our money.

Would it be easier to have some wiggle room in our budget? Absolutely. Would it be nice to be able to get new shoes when they wear out? Yep. Would it be awesome if I could take my daughter to the zoo, or afford some awesome new toys for her? Of course!

But when it comes down to it, she doesn’t know the difference. She doesn’t know that we aren’t spending a lot of money right now, or that we sacrifice a lot of things to make sure she’s taken care of. She’s fed, clothed and clean. She’s protected and provided for. She doesn’t need more expensive clothes. She doesn't need to go on fancy vacations. She doesn't need the excess of material things or experiences; she needs to be loved and nurtured.

And because God has blessed us with a life where I can provide that one-on-one attention for her every day, we will sacrifice whatever is necessary to continue to give that to her. We will always prioritize our family over our financial comfort, and will trust God to meet us where we can not keep up. He has always provided for our needs. He has promised that he always will. I believe that promise with all of my heart.

And so, despite the sacrifices that need to be made in order to make this lifestyle work for us, I can honestly say that I have not a single regret. Being a stay-at-home mom has given me a sense of purpose and a peace with my life more than anything ever has. God has blessed us with children, and I have chosen to stay at home to raise them.

I know not all people agree with me on this, but I firmly believe that being a stay-at-home mom isn’t a burden. It’s not a curse. It’s not something to resent your working husband for. It's not something to regret or to despise.
Not all women are able to stay at home with their children. In some families, it’s just not an option. So when it is, I think it is something that should be embraced!

Being a stay-at-home mom is a blessing! 

I wish I could go back in time and tell Past Me to stop worrying about what other people think. I wish I could tell her that God put that desire on her heart for a reason, and that the attitudes and beliefs of others shouldn't outweigh what she knows is right for her life.

I can't change my past, but I hope I can encourage any mamas (and future mamas) to believe that, if staying at home is what you want for your family, you can do it.
And not only can you do it, but you can find fulfillment and purpose in it.
It's all in how you choose to look at it.