Earlier, I wrote a post on the
real meaning of introversion, and what it does and doesn’t actually mean. It’s only fair, I think, to give some attention to the other half of the population- the extroverts!
While there’s been a surge in the popularity of articles and blogs about introversion, there’s also seemingly been a surge in the negativity towards extroverts. It’s easy to inadvertently demonize people who are not like you (although it’s not fair), and, as it’s a lot of introverts who are speaking out about introversion and extroversion, it seems that is precisely what is happening.
Neither extroversion nor introversion is “better.” Although American culture values extroverts more (and- fun fact- Japanese culture values introverts more), they are actually equal. Each has its own benefits and each presents its own struggles.
But unfortunately, there are some misconceptions about extroverts, just like there are misconceptions about introverts.
Briefly answer this question-
what do you think it means to be an extrovert?
Make a list of the qualities you associate with extroversion.
If you are an extrovert, list the things you think make you extroverted; if you are not, think of the ways you would identify someone else as an extrovert.
What’s on your list?
If your list describes tendencies or patterns of behavior, you’re probably headed in the right direction. If they describe personality traits, you may have a misconception of what extroversion actually means.
Why does it matter?
Like I mentioned in the post about introversion, in order to build good relationships with the people around us, we need to understand them, and to understand ourselves.
If you are an extrovert, understanding the characteristics of extroversion can give you such a deeper understanding of the way you work, and help you care for yourself better.
If you aren’t an extrovert, you know someone who is. Maybe it’s your spouse, or your boss, or your mother. More than half of the American population is extroverted!
Understanding how the people you know and love function will give you a better ability to communicate with them and to empathize with them.
What does it mean?
Just like introversion, extroversion describes
a preference for either the external or the internal world, not a set of traits. [1]
While introverts prefer to direct their energy towards their internal world, extroverts prefer to direct it outward. In order to recharge themselves, extroverts need to interact with their external environment, as opposed to introverts, who need to attend to their inner world.
When we look at an extrovert, then, we see someone who needs to be able to think out loud and externally process their thoughts before internally reflecting on them. They tend to act before thinking, so to speak. They are drained by too much time internalizing, and need to engage their environment to recharge. They are energized by interaction with their physical environment in some way. This interaction might be done with others- by engaging with other people- or done alone, by being physically active, carrying out broad-scale plans, or brainstorming possible outcomes for what is currently happening.
In contrast to this behavior is that of introverts, who typically “think before they speak,” and who are energized by internalizing and drained by too much external activity.
There is a range of introversion to extroversion- a person will not fall perfectly onto one side or the other. This is to say that there is likely no such thing as a “complete” introvert or “complete” extrovert. Because there are so many different things that make up a personality, a person may have two conflicting traits that land them somewhere in the middle of extroversion and introversion. They will lean to one side or the other, but they may not be
very extroverted or
very introverted.
This can be confusing to a person who may actually be an extrovert, but who does not enjoy being constantly social, or who is not as “outgoing” as extroverts are expected to be. Some extroverts need more time alone than others- depending on how they specifically recharge by externalizing their energy. Extroverts who are energized by being around other people may need a lot of time to be social, but extroverts who are energized by highly physical activity may not. Additionally, extroverts may find that they are energized by
certain people, but that others might actually stress them out. Negative or stressful socialization is not likely energizing for anyone- even the most gregarious extrovert!
The key to extroversion is the need for engaging with the external environment, not the need for social interaction.
If we understand what it
does mean to be extroverted, we can then understand better what it does
not mean. Generally, if we are attributing a trait, rather than a tendency, to extroversion, we know we’re off track.
Here are some common traits that are associated with extroversion. Think back to what you think describes an extrovert. Are any of the following traits on your list?
What does it not mean?
Obnoxious
A common myth about extroverts is that they are overly loud, annoying, or obnoxious. While that
could be true, it is not something that is characteristic of extroverts. Rather, it’s characteristic of someone who lacks sufficient social skills. An extrovert who does not know how to properly interact with others may use these behaviors to get attention, to distract themselves and others from underlying emotions, to control others, or to accomplish attain some other unhealthy desire. It is also possible, though, for an introvert to display these same behaviors, and it is not an accurate way to characterize extroverts in general.
Social butterfly
While it is true that extroverts need to interact with their environment, it is
not true that they are all "people-people". It’s a commonly accepted idea that extroverts “can’t be alone.” This idea actually describes an unbalanced extrovert, not a healthy one. Even extroverts need a little time to be alone, just as introverts need to be with others. It would be unhealthy for a person of either type to never have solitude or to never have interaction. Some extroverts are more social than others- while some interact with their social environment by talking and being with other people, others may prefer to interact with their physical environment instead by participating in physically engaging activities. In the same way that there are introverts who have many friends, there are also extroverts who only have a few. This is indicative of their need for interpersonal relationships, which is driven by several things other than extroversion.
Performer
Because it’s commonly thought that anyone who is in the spotlight (actors, speakers, politicians, etc...) must be extroverted, it’s assumed that extroverts must all be natural performers. Truthfully, there are many extroverts who do not seek the limelight, and do not prefer to be the center of attention. There are also introverts who make wonderful speakers and performers, and introverts who are attention-seeking. Extroverts do, as a pattern, like to be a
part of the action, but they do not necessarily seek to be the center of it.
Self-centered
At least among introverts, there is a stigma of extroverts being selfish- that introverts listen, and extroverts like to hear themselves talk. While this can be true (of both introverts and extroverts, I should add), it is an indicator of the health of the individual, not a trait of their extroversion. Extroverts can be excellent listeners, selfless givers, and wonderful friends. In fact, it can be even more apparent when extroverts are not selfishly focused, as they tend to express that selflessness in more overt and obvious ways than introverts. Selfishness is certainly a problem, not a personality trait.
Highly emotional
Extroverts also have a reputation (in some circles) of being overly emotional or sentimental. Although there
are certainly emotionally driven extroverts, there are actually many extroverts who are very logical and systematic, and, furthermore, even some who struggle to access their emotions at all. It may seem that extroverts are more emotional than introverts because those who do love to express their emotions tend to do so on a bigger, more intense scale. For every sentimental extrovert, though, there is an equally (but different) sentimental introvert. The intensity of a person's emotions is not necessarily indicative of their extroversion.
Shallow
Extroverts have an over-generalized reputation of being shallow and petty, especially in comparison to introverts, who have an equally generalized reputation of being deep and brooding. Both of these stereotypes are only that- stereotypes. Many extroverts love to read, write, and theorize, just like their introverted counterparts; and many introverts are not interested in deep thinking at all. Extroverts do tend to immerse themselves into many different things, in contrast to introverts, who tend to focus more intensely on a select few things. But those tendencies do not reflect the intelligence or depth of either type of people.
Do you have anything else to add?
Let me know what you think!
Also read: Introversion: What It Does And Doesn't Mean
Sources:
[1] Understanding Yourself and Others, by Linda V. Berens and Dario Nardi
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