Christianity and Breastfeeding: Are We Getting It Wrong?

photo by Kelsey Gossett

Breastfeeding is a touchy subject.
I didn’t realize this until I became a mother and began breastfeeding my girl. What a range of ideas you can run into when talking about breastfeeding! And how easily arguments and disagreements can arise when it is brought up!

For as many people that love breastfeeding and don’t have any problems with it, it seems that there are just as many who have some pretty strong opinions against it.

“Breastfeeding is fine for babies, but it’s just weird once they can ask for it.”

“Breastfeeding is a private thing; it should be done behind closed doors.”

“Men/children shouldn’t be subjected to seeing a woman breastfeeding.”

“It’s gross/unnatural to breastfeed a child past [some specific age].”

You’ve heard those statements, haven’t you? I know I have.

But what bothers me is this: I have heard these things from fellow Christians. I’ve seen them on Christian blogs, from Christians on Facebook, and from Christians in person.

And over the last year, as I’ve breastfed, read and educated myself, and spent countless time thinking it over, I’ve really begun to see breastfeeding as an issue that Christians should support, not oppose. I’ve begun to see breastfeeding in the light of the Bible, and in the way that I believe God intended for it to be seen.

My goal in writing this is not to advocate that “breast is best.” Yes, I am a firm supporter of breastfeeding! But there are countless other resources where you can read up on the benefits, if you’re unsure. (Some great articles here, here and here )

Likewise, my goal is not to say that all Christians should breastfeed, or that a Christian who does not breastfeed should feel guilty. Of course, mothers choose not to breastfeed for a variety of personal reasons that are, really, not mine to judge! I would not want a mother to feel as if she was going against God if she were not to breastfeed. I do not believe that is the case.

What I would like to do is propose a question to those Christians who feel uncomfortable with or who oppose breastfeeding. Those Christians who feel that breastfeeding is weird, wrong, or even a little embarrassing- that it’s something that should be done in the privacy of your own home (if at all). Those Christians who are offended by a mother breastfeeding a child in public, or who steer clear of the mom who says she still breastfeeds her three year old. 
For those Christians who fall into this mindset, I would like to propose an idea.

What if God intended breastfeeding to be beautiful, not strange?

What if, by accepting the idea that there is something inherently private about breastfeeding, we are accepting the world‘s message about our bodies, and denying God’s?

And most importantly, if God loves breastfeeding, why would we have an issue with it?

photo by Kelsey Gossett

God’s Message About Breastfeeding

Mentioned upwards of sixteen different times in the Bible, God gives a beautiful picture of breastfeeding. I think it’s much more important to note the way the Bible presents breastfeeding rather than to argue why it appears there.

Of course, during these times, breastfeeding was really the only available method for feeding a baby, before safe or viable alternatives existed. But the Bible doesn’t present breastfeeding as just a mundane, necessary part of life. Instead, the picture that God gives us of breastfeeding is one of purity and beauty. It is used in context with healing, fulfillment and connection.

Isaiah 66:10-11
10 Rejoice with Jerusalem and be glad for her,
    all you who love her;
rejoice greatly with her,
    all you who mourn over her.
11 For you will nurse and be satisfied
    at her comforting breasts;
you will drink deeply
    and delight in her overflowing abundance.

Psalms 22:9-10

9 Yet you brought me out of the womb;

   you made me trust in you, even at my mother’s breast.

10 From birth I was cast on you;

   from my mother’s womb you have been my God.

Breastfeeding is listed among other blessings, giving us that it is considered a blessing not only to have children, but to be able to nourish them in this way.

Genesis 49:25

25 because of your father’s God, who helps you,
    because of the Almighty, who blesses you
with blessings of the skies above,
    blessings of the deep springs below,
    blessings of the breast and womb.

And, conversely, the inability to nurse is considered to be a curse.

Hosea 9:14

14 Give them, Lord—

    what will you give them?

Give them wombs that miscarry

    and breasts that are dry.

It’s even used for an analogy for purity of living, comparing the nourishment of our spirits to the nourishment babies receive while nursing. What a significant comparison!

1 Peter 2:2-3
2 Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, 3 now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.

Again and again, the Bible uses this type of language to paint a picture of the breastfeeding relationship between mother and child. This picture is one of a natural, beautiful interaction which gives nourishment to the child and provides him a loving connection to his mother.

On that note, it’s important to remember who else would have been breastfed. If you haven't seen the bumper sticker already, I'll clue you in: Jesus.

Luke 11:27
27 As Jesus was saying these things, a woman in the crowd called out, “Blessed is the mother who gave you birth and nursed you."

Aside from this verse, we can gather that Jesus was breastfed due to historical context. It was customary for Hebrew babies at this time to be breastfed by their mothers. More interestingly, I think, is that the children were weaned well into toddlerhood; most accounts agree that the weaning age fell somewhere between three and four years old. [3]

So let’s think about that for a second.
Not only was Jesus Christ a breastfed babe; he was a breastfed toddler, too.
That means he was “old enough to ask for it.”

Now, if that makes you uncomfortable, take a second to ask yourself a very important question: why?

If Jesus breastfed, not just as a newborn, but as a walking, talking toddler too, what does that tell us about God’s perspective of breastfeeding? I’d venture to say that it certainly does not make him cringe or feel uneasy.
Would you allow your small child to do something that you found unnatural or wrong? Of course not! Why then would God allow his Son to be breastfed, if he felt there was something inherently wrong about it? Would he not want the best for his Son? 

If breastfeeding is pure and good for the Son of God, certainly it is good enough for our children as well.

God not only created breastfeeding; he sees it as something to be loved and cherished! And as we know that God is unchanging, we know that the way he viewed breastfeeding so long ago is still the way he views it today.

So why, then, does it make people uncomfortable?

photo by Kelsey Gossett

Our Culture’s Message About Breastfeeding

It’s hard to see outside the scope of our own culture, but breastfeeding isn’t viewed negatively worldwide. It’s in our Western culture that we see the over sexualization  of breasts seeping into society’s view of breastfeeding. It’s in our culture that we accept the idea that breasts are, simply put, playthings.
Breasts are for the bedroom. Breasts are for sex. Breasts are for men.

Does that bother you?
It should. It certainly bothers me.

But think about it.

Why would it be acceptable for a woman to wear a low cut or barely-there top, revealing most of her breasts but the nipple, but not acceptable for a mother to have a baby latched onto her in public, covering at least the same amount, if not more, skin?

Why would it be expected to see a larger-than-life image of a woman donned in only her bra and underwear on a Victoria’s Secret advertisement in the mall, but shocking to see an image of a mother’s breast in her child’s mouth?

Why would it be okay for a woman to walk around the beach in a dental floss bikini, but weird if she were to sit down and nurse her child?

We have bought into the message in America that breasts are only sexual, and have no place outside of sex. And how naturally uncomfortable, then, is it to mix something sexual with something innocent, such as feeding a child! If you accept the idea that breasts are only sexual, you likely would feel unnerved by introducing a child to that picture. We know, naturally, that children should not be intertwined with sexuality.

And so, when a woman is nursing, whether baby or toddler, those comments and thoughts arise.

"That’s unnatural."

"That’s gross."

"That’s weird."

"Can’t she hide that?"

"I don’t want to have to see that."

The shaming message is loud and clear: keep those breasts where they belong- in the bedroom.

So how did this happen? Where did the breast obsession begin?

A cycle began in the late 1800s to early 1900s with a decline in breastfeeding, due to many factors, including the introduction of and increasing demand for artificial milk and the need for more women in the workforce. [1]  Less women breastfeeding caused there to be less exposure to breasts in a non-sexual context, which then encouraged an even further decline in breastfeeding, and so on.

As breastfeeding in public (and in private) became less and less common, the next generations were raised with little to no knowledge of breasts in their functional context. A generation of children were raised only to know breasts in a sexual way, and were not exposed to them outside of this context as previous generations and other cultures had been. Instead of growing up seeing breasts in a non-sexual context, as children usually would when being exposed to family and friends breastfeeding their babies, children were sheltered from this natural part of child-rearing.

And so, as the function of breasts was isolated to be singularly sexual, the over-sexualization of breasts began snowballing. I really love this explanation of how this cycle plays out psychologically in children.

“...weaned toddlers and babies are still interested in breasts and want to touch them. Unfortunately, many times the mother feels uneasy about it and maybe thinks it is "indecent" or "perverted" behavior....The child is probably taught that touching naked breasts is BAD, it is a "NO-NO". Now, if the mother never lets her children see bare breasts, it is no wonder that the child develops a curiosity towards breasts. The child stars thinking, "What is it about them? Wonder what they look like? Why do they keep them hidden?"...On top of that, the media presents breasts not only as forbidden but something exciting and sexual, which starts arousing sexual feelings especially in boys...It all starts when you take the breast away from the child and then make seeing breasts a forbidden no-no for the rest of the child's growing period. The end result is a distorted view of female breasts.” [2]

As one generation was taught that breasts were only sexual, they taught the next to idolize and obsess over them even more. They, then, passed this idea to the next generation, and so the cycle continued.

When breasts are seen regularly in a non-sexual context, like breastfeeding, society becomes accustomed to seeing them in that way. Women are not offended by seeing another woman feed her child, nor are children scarred by it, nor are men aroused by it. It is simply a part of life, because of the regular exposure to it in a non-sexual way.

But when children are raised with only a sexual knowledge of breasts, and generation after generation is raised with no exposure to them in their natural, functional context, they increasingly become a forbidden fruit. They become sexual and only sexual.

It’s here, then, that we have arrived with a culture that idolizes and obsesses over breasts, and rejects the idea of their functional use.

With this in mind, it’s also important to not deny the sexual quality of breasts altogether. It’s not the sexualization of breasts that is the problem; it’s the over sexualization that becomes the issue, as a woman’s breasts are both meant to nourish a baby and to be sexually appealing!
If we look at the Bible, we find several references to the sexuality of breasts. Given, the references are far fewer than those about breastfeeding, but they still appear.

Proverbs 5:18-19
18  May your fountain be blessed,
    and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19 A loving doe, a graceful deer—
    may her breasts satisfy you always,
    may you ever be intoxicated with her love.

Song of Solomon 4:1-7
4 How beautiful you are, my darling!
 
    Oh, how beautiful!

    Your eyes behind your veil are doves.

Your hair is like a flock of goats

    descending from the hills of Gilead.

2 Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn,

    coming up from the washing.

Each has its twin;

    not one of them is alone.

3 Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon;

    your mouth is lovely.

Your temples behind your veil

    are like the halves of a pomegranate.

4 Your neck is like the tower of David,

    built with courses of stone;

on it hang a thousand shields,

    all of them shields of warriors.

5 Your breasts are like two fawns,

    like twin fawns of a gazelle

    that browse among the lilies.

6 Until the day breaks

    and the shadows flee,

I will go to the mountain of myrrh

    and to the hill of incense.

7 You are altogether beautiful, my darling;

    there is no flaw in you.

Song of Solomon 7:7-9
6 How beautiful you are and how pleasing,
    my love, with your delights!
7 Your stature is like that of the palm,
    and your breasts like clusters of fruit.
8 I said, “I will climb the palm tree;
    I will take hold of its fruit.”
May your breasts be like clusters of grapes on the vine,
    the fragrance of your breath like apples,
9     and your mouth like the best wine.

The Bible certainly does not deny the sexuality of breasts; but what it does say about them is important. Never are the breasts sexualized in a way that they become the focal point of the woman or her sexuality. Notice that every mention of the woman’s breasts is included in a list of the other beauty she holds. The breasts are sexual because the woman was made to be sexual; the breasts are beautiful because God created the woman to be beautiful. And he created her to be beautiful as a whole.

Her breasts are sexual, yes, but as is her neck, her mouth and her back. How absurd would it be for us to deny the functionality of another body part? What if we only accepted the mouth as a sexual function, and felt unnerved by the sight of a person eating or drinking?

"Ma'am, please, do that at home, would you?"

"For heaven's sake, there are children here! The indecency!" 

It’s almost laughable, really. But how different is the situation in which we find ourselves viewing breasts in our culture? We accept the sexuality of breasts but reject their functionality. We allow them to be seen in a sexual context, but are offended by them in the context of breastfeeding.

The woman’s breasts were never meant to be a sexual obsession, or to be over sexualized to the point of denying their other purpose- the pure, healthy and blameless nourishment of her children.

What freedom God gives us in creating us, as women, to be both sexual and maternal! We are not bound to one or the other- we are made to love and be loved, to be nurturing and to be admired. I find such encouragement in that identity!

Whose message do we believe?

So if we compare God’s message about breastfeeding to our culture’s, we begin to see some very conflicting ideas.

God says:
Breastfeeding is beautiful, purposeful, natural, normal, pure, fulfilling, and wonderful. 

Our culture says:
Breastfeeding is embarrassing, uncomfortable, indecent, shameful, and something to be done in private.

And if we compare God’s message about the sexuality of breasts to our culture’s, we also see quite a contrast.

God says:
Breasts are both sexual and functional- for sexual pleasure and for breastfeeding. Breasts are beautiful because the woman is beautiful- desirable because I made her desirable.

Our culture says:
Breasts are made for sex only; they are made to be looked at and used for pleasure. 

So then, where do our ideas about breastfeeding line up with these messages? Whose message do we accept?

When we say that breastfeeding should be kept private, that a nursing mother needs to cover up, or that it’s unnatural for a woman to breastfeed a toddler, what message does that agree with?

If God says breastfeeding is good, pure and free from sexuality, does it make sense that it should make us feel ashamed or uncomfortable? Does it make sense that we should want it to be hidden from our children or our husbands?

If God says breasts were made for nourishment and for sexuality, does it make sense that we should feel averted to one or the other? Does it make sense that we should believe that they are only good for one purpose?

Whose message are you accepting? 

If not God’s, why not? 

photo by Kelsey Gossett

Sources:
[1] http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2684040/ 
[2]  http://www.007b.com/breast_obsession.php
[3] http://biblehub.com/topical/w/wean.htm

What We Didn't Know About Tongue Ties

I did quite a bit of first-time-mom research in preparation for my daughter’s birth. I read a lot of articles and books, talked to a lot of people, and did my best to know everything I needed to know ahead of time. At the top of my baby-prep list was breastfeeding.

There was nothing I wanted more than to breastfeed my daughter. It was what I had been waiting for since before I had ever become pregnant! I wanted to be ready, and in all honesty, I was confident that I could figure it out. It was laughable to me that my OBGYN told me at seven weeks pregnant that I "probably" would be able to breastfeed, because there didn't seem to be anything inherently wrong with my breasts.

Oh, thank you,  Lady; I'm glad they're good enough to do what they were created to do in the first place.

After all, women had been breastfeeding their babies since the beginning of time. How could someone tell me that I couldn’t do it? I knew it could be very difficult. I told myself that I would push through anything that came up. I would face the hard. I would make it work, because it was too important not to.

Somehow, among all of my research, I never ran across the term “tongue tie." I had read about how to correctly latch a baby, and the different pitfalls which I might encounter, but that phrase simply never came up.

A fact that I find a little strange, as tongue ties are a fairly common problem, occurring in around 4.8 percent of babies born in the U.S. [2] This number is hard to nail down exactly, though, as many people go undiagnosed. It’s theorized that the number could actually be much higher than that.

In a normal tongue, the frenulum (the little band of tissue that connects the bottom of the tip of the tongue to the floor of the mouth) is long and thin enough that it allows movement for the tongue. A person with a tongue tie has an unusually short, thick frenulum, which restricts movement. Some people, with more severe tongue ties, can’t stick their tongues out of their mouths. Others may have trouble pronouncing certain sounds, or may have more dental problems, as the tongue can not sweep the inside of the mouth like it should.

In breastfeeding babies, tongue ties can cause problems with latching and efficiency. When a baby with a functioning tongue nurses, they use their little tongue to latch and suck. When a baby has a tongue tie, the frenulum restrains the tongue too much to effectively suck, and so the baby must resort to using her lips instead- something that is not only ineffective and exhausting for the baby, but also very painful for the mother.

Up until the 1940s, tongue ties were routinely cut after birth to help babies breastfeed easier. At the same time, breastfeeding rates went down, and because most babies were bottle fed, and mothers were not having the same problems they had with breastfeeding, the tongue tie was not considered to be a real medical problem anymore. Doctors began to consider clipping the tongue tie to be an unnecessary procedure, and even in the incidence that babies did have a tongue tie, they began to leave them unclipped. [1]

As it is now, babies born with tongue ties are often left untreated. The procedure (called a frenotomy) is usually a quick, simple procedure where they clip the frenulum. Some doctors refuse to do the surgery, because it is painful and considered by some to be unnecessary. On the flip side of the argument are those who say that, while the procedure is a little painful, the benefits of the baby being able to breastfeed and the avoidance of the long-term effects of a tongue tie outweigh the momentary pain.

Our Struggles with Breastfeeding 

Within the hour of her birth, my daughter latched and successfully.  I was ecstatic! We were doing it!

It wasn’t until my milk came in a couple of days later that I started noticing some problems. Something didn’t feel right. I didn’t know what right was, really, but I knew that, whatever it was...we didn't have it.

I would try to latch my daughter, and she would pop right off. It was like her little mouth just didn’t know how to stay on. And feeding by feeding, we both started to become more and more miserable. Feedings were not only long and frustrating, but they were becoming painful. And every time I nursed her, the pain got  more intense.

I had heard from many family members and friends that “breastfeeding just hurts,” and so I figured that something was wrong with me, and I just needed to push through it.

But it didn’t "just hurt." It wasn’t just sore or uncomfortable. It was excruciating.

It was me, sitting on our bed, sobbing while I was trying desperately to get my screaming newborn to latch on. It was me, trembling in pain when she finally did latch, and trying to convince myself to let her stay on, despite the pain, so that she would get something to eat. I remember telling my husband, “something is wrong. This can’t be how it’s supposed to be.”

Feedings lasted anywhere from one to two hours, and my daughter never seemed to be satisfied. She would only scream. I would beg with her to try.

"I know you're hungry," I would whisper to her, "I'm trying to feed you!"

I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. She would latch on, suck for a couple of seconds, and then scream again. I read and re-read articles on how to latch a newborn, trying to troubleshoot what I could not understand.

I was exhausted and frustrated. No one told me that breastfeeding was going to be like this. It was supposed to help the baby sleep. It never did. It was supposed to help us bond. I felt further and further from her. It was supposed to soothe the baby. It only made her cry.

My mind was, as it always is, the cruelest critic.

Failure!

This is what you were supposed to do, and you can’t even do that.

Your baby needs you, and you aren’t taking care of her.

You don’t know what you’re doing!

You’re a terrible mother.

How I wish I could go back in time and tell my inner committee to sit down and shut up!

When my daughter was a week old, our midwife came by the house for our one-week check-up. When she weighed the baby, we all realized that something was wrong. Breastfed babies are expected to lose up to 10 percent of their birth weight in the first week of life. My daughter had dropped past that, losing a pound- from 6 lbs 13 oz to 5 lbs 13 oz.

This was a problem. It wasn't the way it was supposed to be.

And as we discussed what was going on with our midwife, she made a connection. My husband has a tongue tie. We didn’t know much about it- only that he had one and that he had needed speech therapy as a child. What we didn’t know is that it is often genetic- and that it often causes problems breastfeeding. In fact, in a 2002 study, it was found that around 16 percent of babies experiencing difficulty with breastfeeding had a tongue tie. [1]

Our midwife was urgent to get me to pump and bottle feed our daughter, which the poor baby drank up as if she had never been fed. I suppose, to some extent, she hadn’t- not well, at least. Not to fullness. I remember how full her tummy was, and realizing that I had never seen it like that. I remember feeling how empty I felt after pumping, and realizing that I had never felt that before! She had been trying so hard to eat.

Another wave of guilt washed over me.

"I'm so sorry," I told her as I watched her guzzle down the milk from the bottle. "I'm so, so sorry."

Our midwife sent us to The Mama’hood in Denver to see Amanda Ogden, the lactation consultant who works there. I can not say enough good things about Amanda. I can’t say enough good things about The Mama’hood. What a blessing those people were in our lives and in the life of our daughter.

Amanda confirmed what our midwife suspected. Our daughter had the exact same tongue tie that my husband has- a very small, but tight, tongue tie that was keeping her from being able to latch and suck effectively.

Amanda told me some very crucial things when we met. First of all, she assured me that, despite common belief, breastfeeding is not supposed to hurt. If it’s hurting, something is wrong. If the pain is more than uncomfortable or sore, something is wrong. If the pain is a 10+, as I was experiencing, something is wrong.

Second, there were some signs that our daughter had a tongue tie all along, which we did not know to be on the lookout for at the time.

Some of the big ones were...
-her inability to stay latched on, making her re-latch over and over
-the clicking sound she made while latched
-the severe, stabbing pain while she was latched
-the blanching (white blotches where the nerves have been damaged) of my nipples after feedings
-the distorted shape of my nipples after feedings (lipstick shaped, rather than symmetrical)
-her failure to gain weight
-my loss of milk supply

She referred us to a dentist who was well versed in clipping tongue ties, and told me to rent a pump immediately ( I only had an older hand-me-down one that was not pumping enough), because my milk supply was plummeting very quickly.

We got our daughter in for her tongue tie procedure about a week after her diagnosis. I was expecting something like a miracle, I think. I was told that some babies, after the procedure, were able to immediately nurse with no pain. Others would need more time. On some level, I didn’t expect her to need more time. As it turned out, she did. I tried to suck up the disappointment and accept that nursing would be frustrating for a little longer.

Our struggle with breastfeeding certainly didn’t end there. To help with the pain and to help her latch more effectively, Amanda gave me a nipple shield to nurse with until my daughter’s tongue tie issue was resolved. When the pain had still not subsided by two weeks after the surgery, we brought her back in to get her tongue clipped again. Sometimes the frenulum can reattach after being clipped; hers had done just that. Slowly, after her tongue was clipped the second time, her latch became stronger, and I started trying to wean her off of the nipple shield.

It was then that we came across another problem- she refused to latch to me without the nipple shield. She didn’t recognize it as something she was supposed to latch to.

With the help of Amanda and the other lactation consultants at the Mama’hood, we began helping my daughter strengthen her tongue. And very slowly, over the course of about four months, we began weaning off the nipple shield.

And, gradually, it just started happening. She latched. It didn’t hurt. It just worked.
And we stopped needing the shield. We haven’t used it since.

Why it matters

Sometimes I wonder what would happened had we been given information other than what we were given. What if our midwife had told us that I needed to supplement with formula instead? Many doctors give that advice when babies are failing to gain weight. What if I was told to stop breastfeeding because my daughter had a poor latch, or because I was not making enough milk for her? Women are often told that these problems aren't fixable.

What if we hadn’t gotten the help that we had gotten?

I know life would have gone on, as it does for many mothers who have found themselves in those very situations.

But I can say almost certainly that we would not still be nursing today. I can say that I would not have been able to work through the months of tears and frustration to feel more confident and  more bonded to my daughter in the end. I am so glad that we had (and still have) the resources like my midwife, like Amanda, and like the dentist she referred us to. I am so thankful that we made it through that very rough start and came out stronger on the other side.

My hope for new mothers is that they know that a poor latch or early breastfeeding problems do not mean that they necessarily must quit nursing! My hope is that more mothers will seek out help from lactation consultants like Amanda, and will be able to breastfeed even through the obstacles that often come up. My hope is that they will find answers, as we did, and not feel stuck in a situation which they do not want to be in.

There are absolutely situations in which mothers simply must stop breastfeeding! And there are also situations in which it simply can never happen in the first place.

But for those mothers who feel forced into quitting by medical professionals or family members, or who simply lack the resources or information to know that they have other options, my heart hurts. I know how much breastfeeding can mean to mothers. I know how much it meant (and still means) to me and to my daughter. I know that, had I been told to stop breastfeeding, I would have been devastated. I know that there are many mothers who are told that they have no options, and are left carrying guilt that isn't theirs to carry.

For those mamas out there who understand that feeling, and who value breastfeeding the way that I do, I want to encourage you to push forward. Search out answers. And know that it is  possible to work through many of the breastfeeding challenges that many mothers are told aren't fixable. I hope that you will find answers and feel empowered by the choices you can make!

And for those mamas who have the kind of guilt that I carried around, whether from having difficulties with breastfeeding or from not being able to breastfeed, please forgive yourself (I'm speaking to myself here, too). Please don't carry around undue guilt. You don't deserve it.You are not a failure for not being able to breastfeed, in the same way that you are not a hero for being able to!

I so often thank God for giving me the ability to nurse my daughter, but I also pray that he will show me how to extend grace to myself if a time comes when I can not nurse anymore. I hope that, no matter what category you fall into, you will do the same!




[1] http://www.tonguetie.net/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2
[2] http://www.sharecare.com/health/tooth-and-mouth-disorders/rate-of-incidence-for-ankyloglossia

What You (Actually) Need When Baby Arrives

If you're anything like me (and I'm under the impression that there are a few people who are) you might find that shopping for your first child is a little overwhelming. And by "a little," I mean, "the-life-of-your-child-depends-on-your-ability-to-figure-this-out."

No pressure.

Registering for baby things was probably one of the most confusing things I had ever done (before Baby was born, of course).
It's not enough that you need to pick things out for your baby; you have to pick the right things. And there are about 500 options for each item, and 20 people who have a lot of conflicting advice to give you about each of those items.

While pregnant with my daughter, I looked up countless articles trying to desperately find a list for what I actually needed when this baby was going to arrive!
Apparently, you need a lamb with a heartbeat, and a wipe warmer, and a magical baby swing that will ensure your little one never cries, ever.

It's funny how we can convince ourselves that our luxuries are necessities!

Upon planning for our second child and getting questions from some expectant mamas, I came up with a condensed list of what I found to be the bare necessities to have available when baby arrives. This isn't totally comprehensive- you'll also need a crib, eventually, and some toys, books, and other things.
But when baby first arrives, you just need the essentials to get by. You can fill in the holes later.

And so, in hopes that this will give some direction to any mamas-to-be lost somewhere in the five isles of pack-n-plays, here is my list of what you really need when baby arrives.

Big-ticket items

Baby Wrap

One of my favorite baby accessories was my baby wrap. Oh, how many screaming fits and needy moments that thing got us through! Although it was wonderful for the early newborn days to be able to have Baby Girl on my body all the time, it has continued to be great even now, a year later. I absolutely consider this a necessity, not only for the reason that it helps the mama get things done, but more importantly that it keeps your baby close to you and on your body, which is so important to your baby’s psychological and physical health!
I got a hand-me-down Moby Wrap. I would absolutely recommend the Moby to anyone who wants a versatile, stretchy wrap that can grow with your baby. I’ve heard great things about other wraps too, so do your research and find one that fits you and your climate.
The downside to the Moby is that it is very, very hot and doesn’t breathe well, so it’s not a fun thing to wear on a walk in the summer (although I liked it so much that I did that anyway).
This article is a good overview of the different type of wraps you will see and the pros and cons of each.
Make sure you look into the safety of any wrap or carrier you get. Certain ones are not good for the baby’s back or posture. Additionally, there are good and bad ways to wear your baby, even in a great carrier. This article is a great resource for anyone wanting to know more about how to correctly support an infant’s spine.

Stroller

Even if you will be carrying baby in a wrap or carrier most of the time, you will need a stroller for certain times. You will definitely need it as the baby gets bigger, when carrying them is not quite as easy as it used to be! Our stroller was also a hand-me-down, so I don’t have a lot of advice to give about them. As far as I’m concerned, the biggest must-haves on the stroller checklist is safety, quality and portability.

Car Seat

Of course, you need a car seat. Shopping for a car seat is beyond overwhelming, but I’ve found the best resource to be nhtsa.gov . You can also take your car seat in to your local fire station, and they will let you know if it’s up to the current safety standards!

Co-sleeper/bassinet/etc...

Some people will disagree with me here, but for us, having something aside from the baby’s crib was absolutely necessary. We co-slept with our daughter for a little while, alternating between her sleeping in our bed and in the bassinet next to me, until she started having trouble sleeping in the room with us. At that point, she moved into her room very smoothly; it was the right time for her and for us.
But those first few weeks, when I was up every two hours (or more) around the clock, the last thing I wanted was to get my very sore body out of bed and walk across the apartment to go feed the baby. It was also really comforting for me to be able to hear her breathing and to be able to touch her and comfort her as soon as she stirred. Nursing was much simpler with her so close; I could read her hunger cues immediately, instead of waiting until she began crying. Babies were meant to be nearby...especially those tiny newborns! Look for something that meets your family’s needs. A hand-me-down bassinet did it for us.

Space heater

The temperature in your home needs to stay between 70 and 75 degrees at all times for your newborn for those first few weeks, so either prepare to have the thermostat that high, or just heat wherever the baby is with a space heater. I recommend one that has an accurate temperature gauge. Our apartment was poorly heated, so we brought a space heater into our bedroom and kept the temperature high for our daughter. The downside to this is that while your baby needs it nice and toasty, you will be experiencing some lovely postpartum hot flashes. Oh, the sacrifices. 

Nursing Essentials

Breast Pump

Before I had my daughter, I thought that a breast pump was more of a luxury than a necessity. As it turned out, it was an absolute necessity for my daughter and I, as she had a tongue-tie and was not able to latch for the first couple of weeks. I was exclusively pumping for a while, until the issue was resolved, so the pump suddenly became a must-have! Even without our unique situation, though, the pump has been something I’ve needed along the way. Date nights wouldn’t have happened without it!
In my opinion, a double electric Medela is the way to go. Medela makes some great pumps that mimic the way a baby actually latches, which helps pumping go smoother. A pump is a big investment, but it is something that is worth investing in, if you can put the money towards it.

Note after baby #2: I got a single electric Medela and do NOT recommend it. It took forever, had a bad latch, malfunctioned many times, and was hard to let down to.

Bottles

Bottle shopping is overwhelming.
“Pick this bottle! It’s recommended by a doctor!”
“No, this one! It’s shaped like a boob!”
“You have to pick this one! It will make your baby a genius!”
I mean, really.
I think registering for bottles was one of my least favorite parts of the whole baby-shopping experience. When it came down to it, we ended up getting Tommy Tippee for our daughter, only to realize later on that it was the wrong fit for her. Tommy Tippee bottles are are great later, when the baby can handle a stronger flow. But even their smallest “slow-flow” nipple is too fast for a newborn.
This is a common problem with bottle-fed babies- the baby chugs the milk (because the milk is flowing so fast- it’s either drink or drown), causing them to be too full and become very fussy. This, in turn, can cause parents to think that baby is not getting enough, to feed them more, and so the overfeeding cycle begins.
Our tiny little 6 pounder guzzled 5 ounces of pumped breast milk from the Tommy Tippee bottle! As it turned out, she wasn’t needing nearly that much- and she certainly wasn’t needing more! What she needed was a slower flowing nipple, so that she could control how much she was getting, causing her to drink slower and regulate how much she actually got. This prevents overfeeding.
The bottle my lactation consultant recommended, and I now highly recommend, is the Evenflo Vent-Air. It has a slow-flow nipple that is ideal for newborns. You don’t need to buy different nipples for different ages.
For the record, your nipples don’t change as the baby gets older. Your baby’s bottles don’t need to do that either!
The amount of bottles you need is entirely up to your own personal needs. We did fine with one bottle. Two would have been nice, and more would be necessary if you need to exclusively bottle feed for any length of time.

Breast milk storage bags

I liked Lansinoh here, but there are plenty of good brands. Of course, the amount of these will depend on how much you will be pumping.

Pacifiers

You may or may not need a pacifier, but it’s nice to have a couple around just in case. Our daughter took one for the first few months, then refused it until she was around 8 months old, and then took it again. She was very particular about which kinds she liked. Right now, she loves the gummy pacis. I would recommend, if you do plan to introduce a pacifier, to have a couple different types available, because each baby has their own preference, and you won’t really know what that is until you try them out!

TONS of spit up rags

Tons.
You will think you have enough, and then you will find yourself wondering why you only bought  a thousand of them.  
What were you thinking??
We just got a bunch of packs of Gerber cloth diapers- the basic white ones from Target- and used those. You can use whatever, but you'll use them around the clock with a newborn, so have them on hand.
The nice thing about these is that it really doesn’t matter how cheap they are. As long as they’re soft enough to use on newborn skin (i.e. not kitchen rags), they’ll work. They don’t need to be super trendy or fuzzy, and they don’t need to match your baby’s designer booties. In fact, I really don’t advise getting cute ones at all, because they’ll probably end up stained in orange poop at one time or another. It’s just bound to happen.

Boppy or other nursing pillow

Nursing is really clumsy at first. You’re trying to juggle this floppy little newborn in one hand while trying to unclasp your nursing bra with the other and pull your breast out before the little one gets too impatient, and things are just messy. It gets easier later- I promise!
And at some point, you won’t really need a pillow. But in those first nursing months, you’re going to need something to support your arms and baby while you’re figuring things out. It also helps you not hunch over so badly, I found, because the baby is sitting closer to you and you don’t need to strain.
I really like my Boppy, but I know there are also some other great nursing pillows out there. Find one you like, and don’t forget to get a couple of covers, because these, too, will be subject to an assortment of bodily fluids -both from your darling baby and from your new leaky boobs. Awesome.


Nursing Pads

 Speaking of leaky boobs, I somehow missed the heads-up that getting my milk in would turn me into a human Niagara Falls. Not everyone has such an abundant oversupply of milk, so you may not have the issue of leaking at all times, day and night. But you will almost certainly leak while you are nursing in the very beginning- because when the babe latches to one side, the other side gets going too. So you’ll need some good nursing pads to help yourself out.
This doesn’t last the entire time you are nursing, but it does last for at least a couple of months. For me, it lasted about four months. I went through a lot of nursing pads.
I recommend Lansinoh for these too, as they pull the milk away from your skin, which helps prevent clogged pores. If you can get the big pack, do it. It may take you a couple of weeks to go through it, like me, or it may last your entire “leaky boob” phase. Either way, it’s a better deal.

Nursing Bra

The most important thing about shopping for your nursing bra is making sure that it will stretch and shrink very easily, because while your breasts are still adjusting to the amount of milk your baby needs, you will be changing sizes dramatically every few hours. Every time your milk lets down, you will fill out your bra more than you ever dreamed (sounds great, but not as exciting as I imagined it to be), and every time your baby eats, you will drain and have no integrity left in the poor things. This evens out eventually too, after months of nursing. But for the first few months, you definitely want to get one or two very stretchy, comfortable (wireless, I advise) nursing bras that will hold up to the abuse they will surely endure. I got one at Target for around $15, and it lasted the journey.

Nursing shirts/camis

You would think that it would be simple enough to have a nursing bra, but you’re really going to want a couple of nursing tops, too. You could just use open-front or low-cut shirts, but I found that I either had to expose my post-partum belly to the world (which I was not happy to do), or I ended up stretching out and ruining the neckline to my shirts. Nursing shirts either have stretchy necklines made for opening, or clasps like nursing bras. I would recommend getting something you can wear around the house or out and about- like a couple of basic nursing camisoles that you can layer with a cardigan for going out. I got mine at Target, but I know Old Navy has some cheap options, too.

Changing Essentials

 

Something to change baby on for your room

You're going to have so many middle-of-the-night changings in the beginning, you'll start to wonder how this tiny child could possibly produce so much poop and pee.
So it's nice to have a pad to put down, so you don't have to leave your room. We had a hand-me-down portable changing table pad that worked well for us. You could also just move the nursery changing table into your room for the time being. It’s better than using your bed- trust me.

Diaper pail
You do need a diaper pail. You may get by for a little while without one, so if you must wait, you can. But the beauty of the diaper pail is that, with it, those stinky little diapers won't require you to take out the trash twice a day. This will be more of a necessity later on, rather than right away, but it will be a necessity. We liked the Diaper Dekor; I know it's not the only good one out there, though, so look around and see what fits your needs best.

LOTS of diapers

You will likely go through 15-20 diapers a day for a few weeks, so stock up. Newborns pee and poop around the clock! Some more than others.
We wanted to do cloth diapers, but found it too exhausting for that first time period. We didn’t have the energy, honestly, and our daughter was so tiny that we really needed smaller diapers for her, which we couldn’t afford to go buy. So we went with disposable until she got a little bigger and started pooping less than 17 times a day.
We had gotten Seventh Generation diapers for her (as we wanted to have all-natural diapers), and realized that they, too, were too big for her tiny body! So we used Huggies Newborn diapers until she could fit into the Seventh Generation better- for some reason, they are a little smaller and fit much more snugly.

LOTS of wipes

The key to wipes is to have the most gentle (and natural!) option available. Newborn skin is ridiculously sensitive, so the more gentle the wipes, the better. You can make your own wipes from baby wash and coconut oil, if you want, which we did later on down the road (great tutorial here). We used Seventh Generation in the beginning, and I really love them. We never had any breakouts or rashes from any of Seventh Generation’s products.

Baby Care

Unrefined Extra virgin coconut oil

You can use this for practically anything- cradle cap, baby acne, dry newborn skin, lotion, cracked nipples, diaper rash, other rashes, low SPF sunscreen, etc...
Really, this stuff is only second to breast milk in its magical properties.
Just make sure you’re getting the good stuff. Refined coconut oil will not work. The higher quality, the better. It is expensive, but completely worth the investment.

Really gentle shampoo

I also love Seventh Generation’s baby wash. You don't really need to do much but water off baby’s head and bum for a few weeks, but when you do need to give them a bath, this is nice to have around. One bottle of Seventh Generation baby wash lasted us a little under a year.

Baby bath

I didn’t think a baby bath was a necessity, so I didn’t even register for one! Thankfully,  someone gave us one at our baby shower, and I am so glad they did. As our daughter grew older, we stopped using it, but it was such a help during the floppy days, when you really need as much help as you can get while trying to wash your little wiggly one. The mesh recliner was so helpful to me, because I could let her lay on that while I used both hands to wash her, instead of having to hold her with one hand and juggle the bath things with the other.

Note after baby #2: the mesh recliner came in handy again when bathing both kids in one tub- baby on the recliner and toddler next to her. Bonus!

Thermometer

It's good in the first few days of baby's life to routinely check their temperature. You will need to know their own unique base body temperature so that you can catch a problem early. A rectal thermometer is most accurate. I still get a little jittery about those, but if you can handle them fine, that's the best option!

Clothes

Onesies

The amount of onesies you need will very much depend on your situation- especially your climate and what season your baby will be born during. I would say to aim for 6-8 onesies in whatever style (long-sleeved, short sleeved, etc) fits your situation best. Remember that newborns grow fast, so I wouldn’t invest in a ton of newborn clothes. Basics are really helpful, but you probably won’t go through even half of the “specialty” clothes before the baby has grown too large for them!

Jammies

Button down jammies got to be a real headache in the middle of the night, so I really wouldn’t recommend those. We had a couple of zipper sets that we liked more, but I also heard a recommendation today for the nightgowns with elastic at the bottom, which sounds like a great idea to me! I think I’ll get a few for our next little one and see how we like those!

Note: Open bottomed nightgowns it is. Only buy these, and never look back.

Socks

They wont stay on. It's good to have, though, to keep them warm. Target carries a kind that is really stretchy and fuzzy, and those have been the most successful in staying on those tiny feet.

Hats

You don’t need many hats, but one or two is a good thing to have around, especially if you have a cold weather babe!

Blankets

There are so many different kinds of blankets, and I don’t really believe there’s a “perfect” one out there! Some babies love being swaddled, so swaddling blankets work wonderfully for them. My daughter, on the other hand, hated being swaddled. We used receiving blankets and other soft blankets to gently wrap her up. Be forewarned, though, that you will need several of each kind, because there will be poop, and there will be spit-up, and there will be plenty of it. I would get five to ten blankets to be comfortable, but no less than three. Unless you like re-doing the same laundry every day, I suppose.

Note after baby #2: Second Child loved to be swaddled, and we LOVED muslin swaddling blankets for her. They are very stretchy and hold baby in tight, but don't overheat easily. You can spend a bunch of money and get the name-brand ones, but I got some from an Etsy shop for MUCH cheaper, and I loved them!



Do you have any recommendations for things you couldn't have gone without for your newborn? Leave a comment and let me know!